Arman Abrahimzadeh received the call around 11:00 p.m. on Persian New Year’s Eve in March 2010.
Warning: the following narrative contains material that may disturb some readers.
He had barely gone to bed when his phone began to ring. When he answered the call, the only words on the other end were, ‘Come down quickly, your father stabbed your mother,’ he stated.
And he told himself, he has gone to bed – this is a bad dream, a nightmare. He just has to get up.
Arman’s dad, Zialloh Abrahimzadeh, killed his mom, Zahra Abrahimzadeh, in front of 300 people at an Adelaide Convention Centre Persian New Year’s party.
He dashed to the event, only to be confronted by a sea of community members streaming out.
He felt like a fish swimming upstream, he explained, since 300 people were rushing out of this function area and he was trying to get in. And as he was doing so, he ran into individuals he hadn’t seen in years. And everybody was staring at him strangely.
He recalls eventually entering this chamber and seeing his mother’s body effectively laying in a pool of her own blood around 10 or 20 metres ahead of him.
Arman claims that the murder was the terrible climax of 22 years of maltreatment that began when he was a kid.
Arman’s earliest childhood recollections are violent: burns on his mom’s arm from where his dad spilled hot tea, his dad pushing his mom out the window by her hair, and fighting his dad away from the kitchen knives.
This did not occur overnight. This did not occur over the course of a week, a few months, or even a few years.
It’s basically like the iceberg effect, where you see murder at the very top, but beneath the waves you find disrespectful behavior, manipulation, money control, and financial abuse.
Since his mother’s murder, the City of Adelaide councillor has committed his life to domestic violence advocacy. He believes that if Australia is serious about eliminating family domestic violence, we must connect with males, particularly younger men.
Reaching out for assistance does not make you any less of a guy.
Be aware of your feelings. Take care of them. Since the more you handle them, and the better you handle them, you will be a better man and a better individual.
He claims that young males frequently imitate the patterns they encounter as toddlers.
He can never excuse his acts, he added, but there’s a link… his father grew up in this atmosphere, and he’s basically repeating what he understands and what he grew up in.
When you’re young, your brain is like a sponge, and you absorb all of that knowledge.
And it wasn’t until his later years, when he started having his own relationships, that he realized maybe that’s not correct.
Gender stereotypes are detrimental to both men and women.
Men can be victims of domestic abuse as well.
According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics’ most recent comprehensive poll, the Personal Safety Survey 2016, one in every four women (23 percent or 2.2 million) and one in every 13 males suffered abuse by an intimate partner (7.8 per cent or 703,700).
Gender stereotypes for both men and women, according to Dr Emma Fulu, founder and head of the Equality Institute, are harmful.
She expressed that one knows that in Australia, males have really high rates of depression and suicidality.
That’s tied to these traditional views of males having to be strong, not being able to ask for help, and boys being told that they shouldn’t cry.
They also know from research that these views about manhood that are related to sexual dominance, control, and power over women are directly related to sexual assault perpetration in particular.
As a result, one must begin to confront these destructive masculinity models that lead to violence against women.
Queensland Police Commissioner Katarina Carroll said “really excellent guys” will take the lead in combating domestic and family abuse. She believes it is extraordinarily powerful for men to stand up and say, let’s do this together.
Obtaining safe and secure lodging is another important piece of the jigsaw for women who wish to leave.
Faith Labaro struggled to escape an abusive relationship as she couldn’t locate acceptable housing for herself and her six kids.
She explained that one of the challenges was getting a house.
That’s why she went back and forth because you’re afraid you won’t be able to accomplish it. You have the impression that you do not have adequate resources. You lack sufficient funds. So you go back and forth until things get out of hand.
According to Dr. Fulu, violence against women is the major cause of female homelessness.
One of the most difficult problems for women seeking to escape abusive situations is not being able to find safe and secure accommodation, which makes that option absolutely challenging for women, she explained.
Faith, who secured a house through NSW Housing Trust, said she decided to speak up in order to help other women in a similar circumstance.
She felt smothered for years after being dominated. And now she feel like she has lungs and can breathe normally again, she stated.
She can voice her views and sentiments, share them, support and empower women… Now is the moment to speak.
