Husband Didn’t Trust Wife After This Incident. Asks Is He Wrong.

A man in his 30s who had a stroke last year and is now experiencing communication difficulties with his wife. He becomes upset when his wife doesn’t update him on her plans and feels like he can’t trust her. When he tries to express his feelings, his wife becomes upset and accuses him of being ungrateful, causing him to question if he’s the AH.

Source: Reddit

My wife and I are in our 30s. I had a stroke last year, which was stressful, but I am doing well. I had aphasia as a side effect. I pass as normal to most people. Since the stroke our communication is worse. Sometimes when I talk to her, she says I’m mean, and she cries and I have no idea why. I don’t know if I’m misspeaking, or she’s sensitive, or if something I say is actually mean. This didn’t happen much before the stroke, but it happens a lot now. I try to be nice when we talk.

Today, I took my kids to swim class. I got there and realized I had forgotten towels. I texted my wife, and she offered to go home and get towels and bring them to me. I replied thanking her.

I got the kids in the pool, and called her. She was still at work, and said her car was blocked in and she was finding the person who blocked her in. Her coworkers were getting her towels and she would come to the pool when she could. I didn’t hear from her for 15 minutes. I considered asking the front desk for towels, or sun-drying the kids, but I was just stuck because I didn’t know if my wife was coming. I know some people would handle the uncertainty better, but it stressed me out. She showed up with the towels, we talked, and she left. I didn’t say much because I was feeling upset and am very careful if I’m upset and talking to my wife.

When she got home, she offered to finish dinner and put down the kids, since she knew I had been with them all afternoon. I said sure, since I still had some work left. I asked if it was ok to talk, and she said ok. I told her I feel like I can’t trust her when I ask her to do something because she won’t update me if there are unforeseen circumstances.

I was careful to say I wasn’t criticizing her, just sharing how I felt. I could tell she was upset. I asked her if she understood me, and she repeated it back to me. It sounded like she understood.

I asked her if I said something mean. She said that she didn’t blame me, but that it hurt her feelings that I would complain to her without thanking her or thinking about how hard she worked to get me the towels. I told her that I DID thank her, I immediately texted “thank you” when she said she would come. She also said something sarcastic like “and you’re welcome for coming home and offering to take the kids!”

What does my gratitude have to do with not trusting her? I appreciate everything she does for me. The offer to do my chores is very nice, but I guess it came with strings. If she does that for me, then I can only feel gratitude. So I told her not to bother. I also said something like “don’t do me any favors”, which I guess is not the nicest choice of words.

I think she’s the AH because she is self absorbed, and can’t be there for me when I have negative emotions. I think I might be the AH because she’s upset and I know she tries to give me the benefit of the doubt, and if so I’m hoping reddit can explain it to me.

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