Karen mistakes me for a bank employee, proceeds to attempt to rob the bank

Source: Reddit

About 20 years ago I worked for a company that made software for banks and credit unions. Two smaller regional banks merged and we were called in to upgrade all the branches for the same version of software and to point the network to the new consolidated bank.

This happens after hours so as to not interfere with day to day operations. The whole process took several hours onsite at each branch. So we were sure we would have plenty of time to roll things back if anything went wrong. We started a few hours before the bank closed. This would give us time to fix anything before the bank opened the next day.

The process started with a meeting to go over the plan for the branch so the bank’s staff, some of whom would be helping with the process because my team doesn’t have complete access to the bank’s systems.

This is a small bank, there’s 4 offices, a conference room, and space for like 5 tellers up front. It turned out it was payday for some large employer or something but just as I started my meeting with the branch manager, the two staff from my company and the two bank employees who would be opening the bank the following day the bank starts to get really busy.

The meeting lasts about 30 minutes and all the while the line and waiting area is filling up so I rush through the details for the bank manager and release him, then the two opening staff. I leave the details for my team for last. My team knew the process they just needed to know what computers to start on first.

Anyway I dismissed the bank’s staff and they go to help the rush up front and I continue my meeting with my team then send them out to get some food since it looks like the bank might not close on time anyway. I head over to the bank managers office and immediately a woman ducks under the rope line and makes straight for the office and tries to follow me inside.

I didn’t see her step out of line so I at first thought maybe she was a bank employee. As soon as I turned around she said something like, “It’s about damn time, I’ve been waiting for half an hour.” This was bulls&%t because we started the meeting at 4:30 and it wasn’t even 5:00 yet.

I tried to tell her she was mistaken, I don’t work at the bank, but she cut me off not even paying attention to what I was saying. She plopped herself down in one of the chairs and said, “I need to make a withdrawal”.

I replied, sorry I can’t help you with that, you’ll need to wait in line.

“No, I’ve already waited for an hour. I know you can do it, you’ve done it before.” She slaps her ID and bank card on the desk and says, “Just open the damn drawer and give me $2,000.”

“I can’t. I don’t…” I could even finish explaining I don’t work there.

“Bulls&#t, you’ve done it before! Give me $2,000!”

“I can’t.”

“That’s it!” At this point she’s raised her voice and is now standing.

I assumed she was going to leave and I went to open the door but she pushed me back and yelled, “I’m not leaving this office until you give me $2,000.” She then picked up a screwdriver out of the toolkit sitting on the desk and started prying at the desk drawer.

I push her back and she swings at me with the screwdriver. I step back but she scratches my arm tearing my shirt and goes back to prying at the drawer.

I’ve had it at this point. I’m thinking she’s nuts and I need to do something. I look out the office and it looks like everyone is busy and think maybe they didn’t notice her yelling. It looks like she’s not making any progress on the desk, it’s too sturdy.

I try a calmer approach and try to get her attention.

She stops for a moment and looks at me like she forgot I was there. “Are you going to get me my money or what?” She snapped.

“I’m not an employee of the bank.”

“Bulls#&t! You were just in the meeting with the other employees.”

“Yes, but…”

“Then get me my money or get out of my way.” She interrupted before pushing me again.

I finally had it, I looked out the window and it seemed like all the bank employees were calm and quiet. I thought, f&#k if I’m just going to stand here an watch her rob the bank. She was a big woman but I played hockey against bigger so even if she had a few pounds on me I was pretty sure I could at least slow her down.

I took a step back, brought my shoulder down then with a step and a short lunge I shoulder checked her into the brick wall behind her. She smacked her head on the wall gave a short, “wumpf” as I knocked the wind out of her and then she collapsed to the floor unconscious.

I watched her suspiciously for a moment thinking that was easier than I thought. Why didn’t I do that earlier. Then I thought, maybe I hurt her so I knelt down to check on her. She was breathing. I shouldn’t move her, the screwdriver flew across the office so I just stepped over her and walked out into the bank.

About that time I heard sirens, lots of them. A short while later some police came into the bank. Having just assaulted a woman leaving her unconscious I put my hands up. The police walked over, looked at me then walked into the office. I turned around and the bank staff were pointing at the office where I just left.

Evidently they trigger the silent alarm as soon as she yelled, at me to give her money. They moved the other customers to the conference room and we’re following protocols to comply and not interfere.

The end result was she woke up to being handcuffed. She was seen by an EMT briefly before being arrested for armed robbery, kidnapping, and assault. The screwdriver from the toolkit was taken as evidence, and we teased my tech for the next few years, “You get your screwdriver back yet?”

She came in for $2,000 and left with 5-10. She spent 4 years in prison. As an assault victim in that state they notified me when she got out.

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