What is the purpose of best friends if not to speak the truth, no matter how nasty or horrific it is? Being a best friend requires you to occasionally be a jerk and tell your bestie the unpleasant truth. Read the story between these two best friends and let us know how you would handle this situation.
So my best friend (31f), “Kim”, and I (26f) have been friends for 7 years. We met in college and even though she is 5 years older than me we click super well and talk almost everyday.
While we get along for the most part, there has been some tension between us these past couple of years every so often when it comes to relationships. I am currently married but Kim has not been in a relationship since high school.
Ever since she turned 30, she often complains about how all of her younger friends are either married or in long-term relationships but she believes she will never find a boyfriend, let alone a husband.
Now Kim is a beautiful woman, in my opinion. But she doesn’t do much to maintain her appearance on the outside. And I am not talking about wearing makeup or going to the salon every other week because I do not believe that is necessary but she doesn’t ever really put any effort in at all.
Her hair is in bad shape (she has super damaged, curly hair) but she doesn’t want to cut her hair or treat her damage so it is just very patchy and breaks off. She has gained weight but doesn’t want to buy bigger clothing to compliment her body so her clothes fit very awkwardly. And then there are other minor things that I feel do not compliment her beauty well but she doesn’t care.
I offer to take care of her hair when I have time and try to give tips on how to style herself in a way that is comfortable, yet flattering but she doesn’t want to do anything that requires a change from her norm.
After a conversation we had about me considering waxing as opposed to shaving my legs she told me that she would never shave for her husband because he needs to accept her the way she is and then proceeded to name off all of the other things she refuses to do.
And while I agree that it is nice to have someone that thinks you are beautiful no matter how you present yourself, it’s not very realistic.
I told her that she doesn’t have to shave for anyone but physical attraction is a thing. She has every right to present herself the way she wants but the same way she dismisses guys who have unkempt facial hair or look like they don’t take care of themselves guys can do the same thing.
I also said that it is great to meet guys who are solely attracted to us for our personalities but since she doesn’t have much opportunity to interact with guys (and she is too shy to make the first move) first impressions can make a big difference.
She was disapproving of what I had to say but after so long of hearing the complaints from her of never finding a husband and guys approaching other girls before her for so long from such a beautiful woman I have kinda become apathetic. She told me that it shouldn’t be like that but I told her that if a stranger sees you in public and isn’t attracted to you then he isn’t obligated to find out if you have a great personality before going about his day. I need some advice on if I’m wrong. What are your opinions?
Here are a few comments on the story where it was originally posted: