Source: Reddit
Me (f36) and my daughter’s “Leah, 13” dad (m37) got divorced 3 years ago. We used to share custody of her but now that her dad recently got diagnosed with cancer, things are a bit of a mess.
He and his family have been busy with his illness and since Leah hasn’t gone to stay with him for 2 weeks now, he and his sister visited days ago. They saw each other and he requested a private minute with her in her room. I gave them all the privacy they needed but as soon as I heard commotion I decided to enter the room.
I walked in on them hugging and both him and Leah were crying. I freaked out because I didn’t know why she was crying but she refused to answer when I asked. She left the room and I immediately asked her dad what happened. He told me that he just told her about his diagnosis. I was in shock. I asked if he seriously did that and he looked at me confused. I told him he shouldn’t have done that without telling me.
He looked even more confused and said that Leah needed to know because he needs her as part of his support to recover and said that he didn’t get how and why he was supposed to wait for or consult me. I got mad and told him this wasn’t okay – but he lashed back at me saying he didn’t need my permission to tell her since he is her father and since it doesn’t concern me but I disagreed…harshly.
I told him he made a huge huge mistake because of how this can (and will) affect her mental and emotional health. he responded by saying that I was unreasonable to expect him to hide his diagnosis from her and act like he’s okay when he’s not. he called me selfish because I know how his health will impact his time with her and he doesn’t want her to think he’s neglecting her when he’s going through rough times. I told him she wouldn’t notice, especially since I suggested having her come live with me while he gets treatment which is what we’re doing as of now.
He didn’t like what I said and tried to walk out but I told him that we weren’t done. His sister came in and started arguing with me then told him to get ready to leave. She chewed me off for about 5 mins about how I should stop having expectations of her brother and acting like I have authority or legal connection to him then I had her leave cause I couldn’t take it anymore. We haven’t talked since then because his sister has been all over me about it.
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