Source: Reddit
My BF (33M) and I (29F) have been dating for 3 years. He owns a house and lives there by himself. I live in an apartment by myself. We’ve talked about moving in together as that’s the logical next step in our relationship and we both want to do it. But I have some hang-ups related to moving into a house that I don’t have any stake in.
I am refusing to pay any money that would go directly towards his mortgage. I don’t have any stake in the house, why would I contribute to his mortgage payments? I’m ok helping with utilities, groceries, household items, etc. But paying his mortgage is a hard no from me. I just don’t think it makes any sense for me to pay towards his mortgage when I would get nothing from that if we were to break up.
His argument is that I would essentially be living with him for free and it would cause an uneven dynamic in our payment towards shared living expenses. Which, I kind of get, but at the same time he’s the one benefitting from paying down the mortgage and gaining equity, not me. He also argued that his mortgage is pretty much exactly what I was paying in rent, so by cutting that in half I am saving a lot of money on living costs compared to living on my own. Which, yeah, that’s nice too, but legally it’s still not my house.
I told him the only way I would pay money for “rent” is if he signs a contract with me stating that any money I pay towards his mortgage will be paid back to me, by him, in the event that we break up. It would also allow me protection from eviction and other basic tenant rights, similar to a rental agreement. He is refusing to sign anything like that because, in his words, I could break up with him for no reason and then take him to court for thousands of dollars. Which, I suppose is true but I wouldn’t just break up with him for no reason.
This whole situation is driving a wedge between us and he’s pissed at me for “being so difficult” when all he thinks he is asking is that we split living expenses 50-50 if we are to live together. To me, it’s not that simple when he’s the one owning the house we would live in. If I were on the title, it would be a different story, but he’s not willing to put me on the title because he’s lived there for 7 years already.
My lease at my apartment is up in 2 months and I know I need to make a decision sooner than later. It doesn’t help that my landlord is going to be increasing my rent, and similar apartments in our area are going for even more than I’m currently paying. But I just don’t feel right contributing money towards his mortgage. I also know that if I renew my lease, it’s pretty much a dagger to our relationship, which I don’t want because I do love him and see a future with him. I just want to make sure I’m protected.
I can tell my BF’s patience on this is wearing thin and he’s upset with me for digging my heels in on this. But for me, this is about protecting myself for the worst-case scenario while he’s not really risking anything. What are your opinions? Am I Wrong?
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