Source: Reddit
I need to know if I’m being reasonable or heartless here.
My husband, 27m, has a long time friend who we’ll call Bill – 31m. The two of them met when my husband was 16 and from the way they always tell the story, they’ve been inseparable ever since. Bill is now married and lives nearby with his wife. They announced their pregnancy a while ago and my husband was absolutely overjoyed for them. He would visit as often as he could and it seemed like he was singlehandedly funding the baby’s wardrobe and nursery, honestly.
Unfortunately, they suffered a miscarriage just before the six month mark. Bill and his wife were understandably devastated, and so was my husband. I got it – he was watching his best friend go through something unimaginably painful. He was often gone for long periods to time comforting Bill because not only had he suffered this loss, his marriage didn’t seem to be holding up very well either.
The miscarriage occurred at the end of September. Now, this is where I might be a huge AH, so I’m in desperate need of judgement– I completely empathize with Bill and his wife still needing time to recover, but my husband is ALSO still acting as if this is fresh. Not just in the way he’s still comforting his friend during his free time or excusing himself to take hours long phone calls, but the intensity of his emotions. I caught him crying about a week ago and when I asked him what about it, he got angry with me and said it should be obvious.
I was surprised to be met with such malice over a simple question, so I tried to gently suggest that maybe therapy would be beneficial. He was feeling this loss like it was his own, and I didn’t find that very healthy. In fact, I had been concerned about him since mid-October if I was honest but had no idea how to broach the subject. The conversation that followed didn’t go well, and my husband said his emotions were perfectly normal and that maybe I was just lacking in empathy. He’s been avoiding me since. Am I heartless?
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