A single mother is left feeling hurt and frustrated after her boyfriend’s parents fail to treat her daughter the same as their other grandchildren. Despite dating for almost two years and discussing the possibility of living together, the woman’s daughter is still treated like a stranger, and the family’s exclusionary behavior has left her questioning the relationship’s future.
Source: Reddit
I (37F) have been dating Martin (39) for what will be 2 years this June. I have a daughter, Scarlett (10) and he has 2 daughters: Miley (13) and Joanna (12). I am a single mother to Scarlett. Her father sends me maintenance each month but has never been an active parent and has never met Scarlett. I also grew up in care so I have no family or anything. Whereas Martin is divorced and shares custody with his ex-wife. Their custody agreement is very flexible with the girls sometimes staying with him or their mum longer or often spending times with both parents together. It really bothered me a lot that he was still good friends with his ex-wife and Martin said if I couldn’t handle the fact he could coparent well and be amicable with his ex then he would end things. I like to think I got over my jealousy and that the girl’s mother and I get on.
Anyway, since we’ve been dating a while and have started discussing potentially living together I think it’s only really fair that Scarlett is more involved and treated the same as Martin’s daughters by his parents. She met them for the first time a few months ago and has since seen them a few times since but she’s treated virtually like a stranger. At Christmas, Miley and Joanna were spoilt rotten. They got money, gifts, toys, gift vouchers and makeup. All they got Scarlett was an embroidered blanket thing Martin’s mother spent weeks knitting apparently with her name on it, two gift vouchers and a doll.
They’ll take Martin’s girls for overnight sleepovers but my kid is excluded. They say because they don’t know her that well and are uncomfortable looking after her for now. They’ll buy Joanna and Miley sweets or little trinkets and give them a couple of pounds here and there every so often but as for Scarlett, they might only give her one thing and that’s it. It’s not fair for Scarlett.
The last straw was when his parents asked if we would all like to go to Disneyland Paris in Easter with them. They offered to pay for Martin, the girls and said that they could pay for part of mine and Scarlett’s travel expenses, but that I’d have to pay the rest.
I lost it and told Martin he needs to tell his parents to treat Scarlett like his girls are treated. It’s not fair to her that she has to watch her sisters being spoilt and she isn’t. He lashed out in return and said my parents have been nothing but accommodating to Scarlett by including her in things and getting her stuff at Christmas and so on. He said I’m incredibly selfish to expect his parents to treat my daughter who they barley know as the same as their grandchildren. He said that I’m bitter and jealous and it’s not like we’re married or living together. He used the example of the blanket being a really sweet gift that shows how much his mother cares. He also said it’s perfectly reasonable for his parents to expect me to pay for my own child to go to Disney and that my parents don’t need to pay anything at all for us. He also said I’m raising my daughter to not learn the value of the word no and that she can just be expected to get whatever he wants. He also said that Joanna and Miley are not Scarlett’s sisters, it’s never been emphasised they were and they do not view Scarlett as that. He said that I need to ‘get your arse in gear and realise nothing is being done to discriminate against or exclude Scarlett.’
Am I Wrong ?
ETA: I view Joanna and Miley as bonus daughters, hence why Scarlett calls them her sisters. Joanna and Miley do not view me as a mother figure in any way, only as ‘dad’s girlfriend.’ It really hurts but I don’t think I’m pushy or anything. I just think of us as a blended family unit whereas Joanna and Miley have said im just the woman their dad is dating and Scarlett is nothing to them family wise. I have tried to get them to involve her whenever they’re doing stuff and they outright refuse so they only as they put it ‘tolerate her.’ Martin has chewed me out about this before, claiming I’m trying to insert my daughter in the friendship groups and activities of his daughters and it greatly upsets Scarlett because she just wants to be included. She doesn’t have a lot of friends and I want Joanna and Miley to be her friends.
I have no family and Scarlett’s fathers family aren’t involved. I’ve always tried my best to spoil her myself but it seems only fair since we’re part of Martin’s family now that she’s treated the same as Joanna and Miley.
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