Have you ever wondered what the true meanings are behind boys’ & girls’ names? Well, they’re certainly based on words and people in the past, but here’s a humorous take on it.
MEANINGS OF BOYS’ NAMES
Aaron – ugly but hung like a horse, prone to belly button fluff.
Adam – cute, funny, chicks dig him, well hung but very caring.
Adrian – usually short and very horny, watches cartoons.
Alan – shy but sensitive, gets screwed over by women.
Alex – cute and short but a liar and a cheat.
Amir – Dirty, Smelly, Pecker is minuscule.
Andy – boring and has a small pecker.
Andrew – gay and still has a small pecker.
Antonio – has a great body and beautiful skin, and chicken brain.
Anthony – great guy and kind to all girls, smells of weed.
Arnold – loser.
Arthur – hung like a slave and celibate.
Barry – lights fires, pinches girls bottoms and is well hung.
Ben – funny and can be real difficult to beat at games.
Bob – quiet and unpopular, eats with his hands.
Bradley – thinks everyone likes him…but they don’t.
Brandon – good looking but uses girls.
Brendan – quiet and sweet, gets beaten up all the time.
Brett – world wide slut and really insensitive, women love him.
Brian – mean and only thinks of himself, no he’s not the Messiah he’s just a naughty boy.
Bryan – sexy, but stupid – can’t spell.
Bronsen – annoying and never grows up – has a stupid name.
Bruce – stinks bad and thinks everyone else’s name is also Bruce.
Bryce – fun to be with and will make you laugh, you’ll kill him within a week.
Calvin – immature in a naive way, drives a Gemini.
Cameron – wanker of the first order
Carl – thinks he’s funny…he’s not, falls asleep during sex.
Carson – fun to be around and really sensitive.
Chad – cute, sensitive and very studly – only found in American movies no real person has that name.
Charles – can’t trust him, eyes too close together.
Chris – can’t pull, will pay for women, but has a huge pecker and can use it too.
Christian – very sexy and seductive (think ‘Legends of the Fall’).
Clark – hilarious and always in trouble, problem with ‘jailbait’.
Cliff – very sweet and adores girls, but very superficial.
Cole – nice, funny, and fun to be around.
Con – lies to women and blows up public buildings.
Cory – funny but ugly, ends up running fashion magazines.
Craig – tries to fit in – he never does.
Damon – total loser in a sweaty sort of way.
Dan – quiet but funny, but becomes easily addicted to narcotics.
Dane – weird but can hold together a conversation with a mermaid.
Daniel – enjoys root vegetables in every orifice.
Darren – charming , but sleeps with men.
Darryl – Hung like a pit pony, can suck a golf ball through a hosepipe and breathe through his lugs : )
David – total wanker – hated by all.
Dave – extremely sexy, always funny, intelligent, stylish, trendsetter – i.e. a wanker.
Dean – full of himself and thinks with his dick.
Dennis – either very nice to girls or a faggot.
Derek – has a great sense of humour, and blow-up doll collection.
Dominic – hilarious and will do anything to please.
Don – dickhead.
Doug – has a greasy face, drinking problem and farts.
Drew – bad-arse losers who never shuts up.
Dylan – horny bastard, who can’t sing.
Dwayne – cool guy to be around if you can handle his name.
Eddie – wants too many chicks he’ll never get cos he’s an arsehole.
Emrys – Load mouth gob shite.
Elliott – Full of himself
Eric – shy.
Erik – funny and treats girls how he wants to be treated.
Evan – a little slow but sweet, sexy, and model mental patient.
Frank – “different” – missing DNA – favours girls named Lucy.
Gareth – sweet but dresses too good to be straight.
Gary – drug addict but willing to share.
Gavin – likes bondage, S&M with other men.
Geoff – prefers golf to sex and war to peace.
George – barman who drinks more than he serves.
Glen – the sweetest guy – really down to earth
Greame – very hard to understand, likes group sex
Graham – will screw anything
Grant – HORNY! but so sweet and you can talk to him about anything.
Greg – really sweet and feels sorry for himself.
Guy – Covers his back, has a small dick.
Harvey – cute, but addicted to sex and/or drugs.
Hathem – smooth, but very manipulative, not to be trusted around young girls.
Haydn – tries hard.
Howard – likes small-breasted women and pornography (doesn’t everybody!).
Ian – really popular but knows all the girls want him
Jake – shy and sweet but a slut when drunk.
Jamie – Scum of the Earth.
James – built like a horse.
Jay – very sweet when you get to know him well.
Jason – Total cock whore
Jeff – really ugly.
Jerome – gay, but very unhappy.
Jeremy – loud and thinks that he’s all that he says he is.
Jesse – unpopular and needs to move on.
Jack – stupid but hot. Always alright.
Jim – sweet, has fantasies of love and affection.
Joe – built like a bear, sexy but tends to lose his head.
Joel – arse.
John – has no friends or life – tends to kill small animals.
Jonathon – think he’s good – he’s shit.
Jordan – sexy but weird in bed.
Jose – hot boy with a love of hermaphrodites.
Josh – full of himself, fun.
Junior – hotty and totally good at football.
Justin – aggravating, insecure & jealous.
Kain – the sexiest guy alive but very stuck up.
Kevin – Always attracts really fit girlfriends also has a large penis, really nice to women.
Keith – good person to talk to when you have a problem – his is worse.
Kenneth – very, very…anything you want him to be.
Kim – very understanding and caring, feels lost in Korea.
Kurt – can kick anyone’s arse, likes small boys.
Ky – see Kain.
Kyle – hornball who eats too many cornchips.
Larry – cute but wannabe player with big arse.
Laurey – short and funny looking.
Lee – girl dressed up as a boy, total arse bandit.
Les – calm, calculating, intelligent, sexy.
Lewis – lonely, sad git, bit of a tosser.
Lyndon – can always be found in bed or in the pub.
Liam – loud mouthed arsehole, normally found in rock bands and pubs.
Lorenzo – fine and dresses in stolen gold.
Lucas – fat loser that dates other men.
Luke – seems to be sweet – Luke Solomons exactly!
Malcolm – tall man who tends to lose his trousers.
Marc – Fantasises about pretty lights, doesn’t drink, doesn’t smoke – Tries to tell everyone
Mark – wished girls liked him for who he is, not his great looks, mouthy bastard though.
Michael – very good looking but he’ll do anything for a girl, which is totally sweet.
Mick – always drunk, tendency for drug abuse.
Mitchell – the ugliest dog and he don’t get any.
Nathan – stupid as hell, and tends to make others feel dumb.
Nick – HORNY! but really nice – can’t get past the missionary position though.
Neil – sweet and will do anything in this world for you, great in bed.
Noel – an absolute diamond, sexy, funny and faultless….apart from when it comes to sorting out contents insurance for his home
Oliver – likes men but is in denial.
Oscar – loser, a good name for a dog.
Owen – cute gay guy who is immature, and sings Welsh songs.
Patrick – cool, calm and handsome, a quality only found in pricks.
Paul – drunk, drunk, drunk.
Peter – cutie but very shy, makes women feel like virgins.
Phillip – stupid idiot who wishes he were cool.
Rashpal – C@@t
Reagen – …strange.
Rhys – great lover but had his mind stolen by aliens a long,long time ago.
Richard – cant see his feet balls are to big
Ricky – ugly shithead who everybody hates.
Rikki – see above.
Rob – constantly watches porn.
Roy – total loser and computer genius.
Rupert – arrogant twat who is crap in bed but thinks he is a stud.
Russell – likes to play in the leaves which makes him an arsehole.
Ryan – short but sexy body and even sexier mind.
Sam – wannabe sex machine.
Scott – has serious disabilities.
Sean – has small testicles and no friends.
Seth – so sweet to other people but is a traitor.
Shane – thinks everybody wants to shag him – he’s a virgin.
Shannon – the most determined and persevering sweetie in the world.
Shaun – bit of a hard bastard, thinks women love him.
Simon – likes a night out with the lads and curries. Talks bollocks.
Steve – popular and funny when looked at side-on.
Stuart – droll guy with great arse and suicidal tendencies but great in bed.
Tim – hot but a bit strange, can never tell where he is.
Toby – best blow ever.
Tom – cool but can be arrogant.
Tony – hot, sweet, and totally fun to be around.
Travis – fat and horny with the best XXX collection to be found.
Trevor – sweet and funny but sometimes untrustworthy.
Troy – cute and popular.
Taylor – gay.
Warren – cool, homosexual guy.
Wesley – great guy and easy to tolerate.
William – wishes he were popular but is ultimately a c@@t.
Zach – sweet and polite and adorable
GIRLS’ NAMES:
Ada – Blue haired, smells of wee.
Aileen – laughs like a demented dog. likes tic tacs
Alison – Bra and pants are the same garment, looks better with the light off.
Amanda – I.Q. tends to be smaller than bra size. A good shag though.
Amy – Devious, Likes being on top, never stays the night – Not to be trusted.
Andrea – Small breasts, drinks pints.
Angela – Vain, Hair style more important than oxygen. Usually foun hanging around toilets.
Annabelle – Doesn’t wear knickers.
Annette – She’s BIG.
Anne – Looks like a horse, can’t drive.
Barbara – Shags like a rabbit, not fussy about appearance.
Belinda – Pleasing on the eye, usually has a couple of good points.
Beryl – Repressed alcoholic.
Beverley – Trapped in an eighties timewarp.
Bianca – Ginger.
Bridgette – Eats pizzas all day, smokes cigars.
Britney – Falsely improved, no use to society.
Camilla – replaces the word ‘yes’ with ‘ya’.
Carina – Looks like the back of a bus, doesn’t swallow.
Caroline – Lard arse, shaves her ears.
Catherine – Attracted to the older man, needs ironing.
Claire – Usually neurotic, gives good head, can have lesbian tendencies.
Celine – Emits hideous noises, waste of DNA.
Charlotte – Enjoys tea and cake, farts the national anthem.
Cheryl – Can fit hand in mouth, eats glass.
Christine – Likes men in uniform, never warm.
Daisy – Virgin.
Danni – Should make nice threesome with sibling.
Davina – drug induced mental damage, should shave her neck.
Dawn – Gets up early, smells of chips.
Deborah – Bites the pillow, uses both hands.
Denise – Sits on cats eyes, wears too much make up.
Diane – Enjoys company of animals. Deep as a puddle. Adds nothing to society.
Donna – 70’s throw back, likes cabbage.
Doris – Purple haired, stinks of wee.
Elaine – Rides side saddle, drinks meths.
Elizabeth – Born to rock, hates chickens.
Ellie – Far too attractive for the swear words that come out of her mouth
Emily – Wears odd socks, can have lesbian tendencies.
Emma – Gullible and easily swayed by a good looker!
Estelle – Likes wombles, eats grass.
Esther – Plump with sagging breasts, normally heavily tattooed.
Faith – Legs met at knees, can’t shag standing up.
Faye – Wears wellies, can’t swim.
Felicity – She’ll stab you with her nipples, plays darts.
Fiona – Female mud wrestler, gives head.
Francine – French.
Gabrielle – French too.
Gail – Farts a lot, drinks Guinness.
Gayleen – Big tall woman who talks shite all day.
Gaynor – Lesbian.
Geraldine – Too posh for her own good, likes flying.
Gillian – Dyes her hair green, likes clubbing.
Gina – Eternal mother, eats nappies.
Glenda – Eats children, hates smoking.
Georgina – Wants to be a man.
Gwyneth – Blubs a lot, wees in the bath.
Hannah – Needs to be naked at all times, eats kebabs.
Heather – Shags like a freight train, a screamer.
Helen – Hangs around with the wrong crowd, Kinky in bed, loves porn.
Heidi – The hills are alive with the sound of music, likes gherkins.
Hilary – Frigid.
Holly – Prickly to the touch, seasonal shagmeister.
Imogen – Drinks tequila from the bottle, wets the bed.
Ingrid – Right wing Nazi tendencies, never smiles.
Isabelle – necessary on a bicycle?
Jackie – Heroin addict, sold her child.
Janet – Massive over bite, no neck.
Jane – Babe, I’d drink her bath water.
Jasmin – Smells of sewers, eats the heads off rats.
Jemma – Does anal, wears too much eye make-up.
Jennifer – Huge breasts, should shave her legs more often.
Jessica – Virgin, always will be.
Joanne – Moans in her sleep, can’t cook, moans when she wakes up
Jordan – Ha ha ha ha ha – nuff said.
Judith – Big eyes, big tits
Judy – Huge tits, married to an arse.
Julia – Innocent face, don’t trust her, she’ll steal your wallet in five minutes
Justine- Massive tits, likes hanging around men’s toilets.
Julie – Jabba the Hutt’s sister, constantly pregnant.
Karen – Huge tits, shags like a rabbit.
Kate – see Catherine.
Kelly – smells of cheese, slobbers when kissing.
Kimberley – wants to be a bloke, drinks like a bloke, farts like a bloke, wears a wig.
Kirsty – Eats live moles, can’t dance.
Kylie – Trendy sex kitten that all the lads wanna shag (and probably have)
Kym – Illiterate parents – see Kim
Lana – Hated by her parents, accidental pregnancy.
Lara – Action packed, never seen naked.
Laura – Likes Max power magazine, can’t drive.
Lauren – Pert breasts, seldom ventures out at night.
Leah – Likes outdoor sex, wees standing up.
Lena – Eats food then throws up, rapidly shrinking.
Leslie – Likes bondage, hates men.
Linda – Teenage bride, can swallow oranges whole.
Lindsey – Likes doggy style, doesn’t do housework.
Lisa – Will take all your money and run, gets turned on by porn.
Liz – Long legged and brainey.
Lorraine – Constantly whinges, will strip for a packet jellybabies
Louise/a – Phwoooorrrrrrrrrr, Boing Boing Boing.
Lucy – Strange dancer, wants to marry her dad.
Madeline – Drives like a bloke, likes tractors.
Maggie – Trainspotter, likes plaid.
Margaret – Lovely mother, very generous.
Maria – Bangs like a barn door.
Marie – Life sapping dominatrix. Likes men to do DIY.
Marina – No get up and go, rusty underwear.
Marolyn – Eats like a horse, out stays her welcome.
Martina – Ugly lesbian.
Martine – Can’t act, can’t sing, nice tits.
Matilda – Likes dancing, mainly the waltz.
Mary – had a little lamb.
Maxine – drinks, smokes, swears and farts like a bloke
Meg – Cheesy smell, should be spelt with an S.
Melanie – Can hold 2 bar vacuum orally indefinitely.
Melissa – Eats dogs, been in prison 6 times for burglary.
Meryl – Dances like an ape, doesn’t realise.
Michaela – Likes animals, should make a video with them.
Michelle – Wears white stilettos, dances round her handbag.
Marsha – Big butt, small brain.
Monica – Doesn’t swallow, should have.
Naomi – Wannabe diva, more of a diver.
Nancy – White hair, remembers tanners.
Natalie – Eats with her mouth open, farts the Nokia phone tune.
Natasha – Had seven kids before age 17, needs ironing.
Nell – Hasn’t realised WWII has ended, lives in Kent.
Nicola – Slapper, alcoholic in denial.
Nina – Stuffs her bra with tissues, been single for years.
Olga – You can park a bike in her arse crack, excessive facial hair.
Olive – Oily skin, oils up well.
Olivia – Neutron bomb.
Pamela – Gives amazing head, made of plastic.
Pat – Butt ugly lesbian.
Paula – Transvestite merchant banker for Basildon.
Penelope – Pitstop queen, likes men to be stiff.
Phillippa – Forest forager, likes wild boar.
Petra – Dead dog.
Priscilla – likes painting with oils, Duckhams mainly.
Rachel – Amazing gravity defying breasts, can grip a tenner in her cheeks.
Rebecca – Hairy armpits, orgasms without contact.
Rhonda – Help me, help me.
Rosalind – Whahey, nuff said. Maybe 10 years ago.
Rose – Can be prickly, good head giver
Roseanne – ERRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Rula – She measures up well.
Sadie – Stand up if you’re slim, please stand up, stand up
Sally – Drives a Mustang, fights in pubs.
Samantha – Loves her brother, has 4 deformed children.
Sandra – Shags donkeys for fun, bow legged.
Sarah – Likes pressed flowers and body piercing.
Selina – Doesn’t wear pants, heavy laundry bills.
Shania – Often feels like a woman
Sharon – Shags like a locomotive, yo-yo knickers.
Sheila – Very big Down Under
Shirley – Can swallow a Curly Wurly whole, likes bananas.
Sian – Does mean sheep impression, hates mint sauce.
Simone – Used to be a shotputter from Cardiff.
Sinitta – who?
Sonya – Dirty lady of the night. Often referred to as a “carrier”
Sophie – Brothel madam, wears a wrinkly corset.
Stacey -Likes cut off jeans and arseless Speedo’s.
Steffi – Closet lesbian, maintains heterosexual relationship for effect.
Stephanie – Eats Muppets, wears Brogues.
Sue – Always in court
Susanne – should shave more often, wears Denim aftershave.
Tanya – Hot minx, too short.
Tara – Upper class slapper, needs extra chemicals.
Tiffany – who?
Tina – Face like a smacked arse, should eat less.
Tori – Lives under a hedge, can’t water ski.
Tracy – Easily swayed by alcohol. Mostly seen without underwear.Loves kittens.
Tracey – Lesbian.
Ulrika – ka ka ka ka ka ka ka ka.
Ursula – Likes puppies, in curry.
Vicky- Likes Yoga. And Women.
Zoe – Talentless rock chick. Prepared to use sex as a weapon.
Zandra – Strange appearance, eats guinea pigs dipped in chocolate.
