Source: Reddit
Sorry if my writing is jumbled and incoherent, my mind has been racing and I can’t think straight.
About a month ago my bf (now ex) went with his coworkers/friends to a bar/club (mostly a bar with typical drinks and bar food, but the place has a dance floor and music) after work. This is something they do every couple months or so.
But this time, when he came home, he had a lipstick mark on his shirt. I asked him where the lipstick mark came from but he said he had no idea. I thought he may have been cheating on me with someone from work or someone at the bar (he was wearing his dress shirt from work that day).
I’ve been cheated on in the past, which in hindsight might have made me think irrationally. But the couple days after that we fought several times due to me repeatedly questioning him about that night and him denying anything had happened. I also snooped on his phone and computer to find evidence of cheating but didn’t find anything, but he caught me snooping so we had arguments over that too. Long story short, I called him a liar and a cheater, broke up, and moved out the following week. The whole time he insisted he was innocent but I figured he was playing dumb and gaslighting me.
Last night I got dinner with a friend I hadn’t seen in a while and told her about the breakup. But when I told her about the lipstick, she gave me a concerned look and showed me a tik tok video of a girl at a club kissing random guys on the back without them knowing and leaving lipstick marks. Is this some sort of tik tok trend?
@littlewank lipstick bandit was on the LOOSE at pj’s
♬ I'm Shipping Up To Boston – Dropkick Murphys
As far as I can tell, the person who posted the tik tok is in Australia but I live in Los Angeles. The lipstick on my bf’s shirt was on the upper arm/shoulder area, so I suppose it’s possible someone could have come up behind him, kissed his shirt, and walked away without him noticing. I just never considered that to be a possibility.
I wasn’t able to sleep all night, I’ve just been wracked with guilt that I may have been mistaken in accusing him of cheating. I’ve thought about sending him an email or giving him a call, but what do I even say? Before the lipstick ordeal, our relationship was the best one I’ve ever experienced, it was healthy and supportive. I realize in hindsight I may have treated him unfairly by not giving him the benefit of the doubt and I said some nasty things to him when we broke up. And there’s also a small part of me that wonders what if he did actually cheat on me after all? If I bring up this tik tok, wouldn’t an actual cheater jump at the opportunity to use it to continue to deny cheating? I’m afraid I may be overthinking this.
What would you do in her situation? Any advice. Here are a few comments on the story where it was originally posted:
