Money should be used wisely at all times. It is critical to save money for emergencies or for your children’s education. In this tale, It turns out that his wife withdrew the money irresponsibly to fuel her out-of-control shopping addiction. The family is confronting a predicament like none other. Read the story and what would you do in this situation?
Source: Reddit
I’m stuck in between a rock and a hard place and I don’t know what to do. And the problem is, I can’t discuss this with anyone I’m close with for privacy reasons.
I’ve been with my wife Andrea[48f] and my stepdaughter Cassie[17f] for 8 years now. I love them both to death, but Cassie is a very brilliant young woman. Recognizing her potential, me and Andrea decided to put together a college fund for Cassie so she wouldn’t be crushed by debt. Over the years, it has amounted to over $200,000. Cassie is aware of this and is banking on it since she’s trying to get into the Ivy League.
To make a long story short, last week, I found out that almost $170,000 dollars of the money was missing from the account. I freaked the f**k out and asked Andrea if she knew anything about it. She teared up and said that she had been spending the money over the years to fund her spending habit.
I was furious, but I had a moment of clarity. I’ve browsed these subs enough to know that an affair was possible so I asked her if she was having one. She adamantly denied it and offered any proof I needed. Social media accounts, emails, her work phone, everything. She offered to show me the receipts as well. There was nothing that popped out as suspicious, and the math from the receipts added up as well so I let it go. But we still had the major problem of the money being gone.
She described herself as a shopping addict, and the money from Cassie’s account was just too tempting not to use. She didn’t make excuses, but offered no solutions.
As stated before, I was beyond furious. She ruined Cassie’s chances at going to college debt free and has changed the trajectory of her whole life. I had asked her to stay with her sister while I tried to figure this out. Cassie was concerned about why she was leaving, but we just said we needed a little bit of space.
I asked Andrea to come back home yesterday and we had an extremely long discussion about how to handle this. She stopped me from talking and asked a favor of me. She asked if I could take the fall for her. For context, she and Cassie don’t get along for a variety of reasons, and knowing how independent Cassie is, she will probably leave right after college if not during. In fact, me and Cassie get along very well and she comes to me for a lot of her issues. Andrea fears this will permanently drive Cassie away and she doesn’t want to lose her.
I told her that before we even talk about that, she needed to acknowledge her mistake and own it. She needed to go to individual therapy, we needed couples counseling, she needed to find a shopaholic support group and that I would be controlling the finances from now on. She said those terms were steep but fair. I said she needed to tell Cassie what she did, apologize and hope for the best. She refused and said she could never lose Cassie. She said I could survive the mistake, but she couldn’t. I told her that in order to even consider me taking the fall, she needs to agree to my terms.
I don’t know what the hell to do. The last thing I want to do is lie to Cassie, but I don’t want Andrea and Cassie to split up forever. And the worst part about this whole thing is that Cassie’s life is ruined either way. And I don’t know how to replenish the money other than maybe borrowing from my 401k. Do you have any suggestions?
Divorce is always an option, but I love Andrea despite her mistakes, and me dating at age 52 is next to impossible.
Later, he added some more updates about how the whole situation evolved in the family
Edit 1
After everyone in here knocked some sense into me, I realized I can’t lie to Cassie, I love her too much and she deserves the absolute truth, no matter how ugly and hard it is.
I will be talking to Andrea and telling her that we need to tell her the truth together as a condition of us staying together, or else I will initiate divorce proceedings and tell Cassie anyway. Also, as someone suggested, I don’t need her trying to flip the script on me so I’ll record our interactions going forward.
Thanks.
Edit 2
I want to thank everyone here for really opening my eyes yesterday. You’re all right, I need to put Cassie first and like I said, I’ll be telling the absolute truth, even if she gets mad at me and disowns me at least I’ll know I did the right thing. In addition, I’m going to pay for her college myself. I can pull money from a couple of places such as my retirement and inheritance so it’ll be okay. If I have to live a little frugally during retirement and work a few extra years then so be it, Cassie is worth it. I honestly doubt her mother is going to sell her stuff so that’s why I’m taking this route.
As for Andrea, I’ve been criticized for wanting to let Andrea off the hook so to speak, but it’s easy to say when really deep feelings aren’t involved. That being said, I don’t think I can stay with her, what she did is horrendous and she ruined our daughter’s future because of her addiction. We had a long discussion late last night and I threatened divorce unless she told Cassie the truth. She begged me not to do this, but I put my foot down, and eventually, she agreed, but only if I agreed not to divorce and I helped to repair their relationship. I likely won’t be doing either, she made her bed so she can sleep in it.
Here are a few comments on the story where it was originally posted:
