I (F33) have a son (11) from my former relationship with my ex husband. Currently I’m married to my husband (M37) “Joe” who has a (15) year old son.
My son isn’t that close to his stepbrother for many reasons including age, interests, hobbies, etc,. My son likes to draw a lot. his stepbrother tends to rip his drawings whenever they get into a fight. Now siblings and stepsiblings fight constantly which is normal. What isn’t normal is my stepson touching and ruining my son’s drawings which take time and effort and sometimes…emotions.
My stepson apologized everytime he did it. and with the help of some boundaries I put in place, he no longer damages my son’s drawings (I got my son a lock). Joe complained about me creating distance between the boys and suggested I should’ve let them resolve this between them.
My son drew a picture of me, Joe, and him and showed it to us. Joe got extremely pissed when he saw it and started scolding my son for not including his stepbrother. I got involved and told him off but he proceeded to rip up the picture in half then into smaller and smaller pieces.
My son started crying and I snapped and yelled at Joe asking what was wrong with him. He told my son to go upstairs because he was punished and his punishment won’t be cancelled til he starts including his stepbrother in his drawings.
I told him to stop but he told me “stay out of it, you’re the reason we’re having this issue” and said that I made the boys resent each other by enabling my son’s unjustified hatred for his stepbrother and setting “boundaries” (he kept air quoting this word) that shouldn’t be set between brothers. I reminded him of what his son has done that caused my son to exclude him. then told him that none of us even myself have the right to demand to be included in anything my son draws. It’s his own thing and he gets the final say. I then demanded that he apologize to my son immediately. Joe sarcastically clapped and then said that If I keep this up, then my son will grow up to be Anti-social and soft.
I went upstairs leaving him ranting about how this was basically my fault. I stayed with my son until he calmed down. Joe told me that by expecting him to apologize I’m not treating him as a parent and undermining his word. Am i a Jerk in this situation? Should I reconsider this relationship?
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