Relationships with our closest friends and family are frequently put to the test, and unfortunately, some problems prove too difficult for them. In this story, a terminally sick woman reached out to her estranged sister and requested her to adopt her three children. Read the story to know what happened and let us know what you would do in this situation.
Source: Reddit
My sister (31F) was recently diagnosed with brainstem glioma. Apparently it’s big and untreatable due to the location. I’m not sure how long she has, but most likely it will shorten her life span by a significant amount. Apparently she’s already experiencing some bad symptoms
My sister has three kids; a newborn and a 2 year old and a 6 year old. She asked me to take them once she dies. No, we don’t have family, and her ex husband wants nothing to do with the kids since she had cheated on him for years with many men and they aren’t his. She doesn’t know who the dad is.
Personally I (25F) am CF. My husband (25M) is CF as well. I told her no for the following reasons:
1.) since we are both child free it would be unfair to ask my husband to make this kind of sacrifice. We both agreed to no kids when we got married; to change something like that generally means a divorce.
2.) I am atheist, my sister wants me to raise them religious and to “know god” and take them to church. No
3.) I live in a different country, where English is not the primary language. I can’t teach a 6 year old a new language when they don’t know English well
4.) the 6 year age gap meant we didn’t really grow up together; and the memories I do have of her were always awful to me-like cynical. And After she moved out at 18 we haven’t talked once besides at my parents funeral. I don’t even know her kids let alone her.
She cried and called me awful but it’s my life, and Ultimately I get to be selfish with it, a child isn’t a 18 year commitment; it’s lifelong, and one I have decided not to take. She cheated with multiple different men and lost her husband; I don’t think it’s my job to swoop in and save her from the consequences of her own actions. I don’t feel like I owe her anything.
Other people disagree. Friends of hers whom I’ve never met have been reaching out to me and calling me at all hours to leave nasty voicemails. Saying I need to step up as a sister, but I just feel like she’s trying to use me as her ticket out to dying and not feeling guilty
I have offered to pay for DNA kits, and a PI and anything else she needs to help find the fathers of these children. She doesn’t want too. I will not be taking in the kids. It’s not because I want to teach my sister a lesson/because the are “less” for being a product of an affair. I brought it up because I know everyone would ask “where’s the father”. It’s because my sister is a stranger. I haven’t talked to her in over 10 years. I’ve never met her or her kids-and I do not want kids. My husband (yes we talked) would leave.
Realistically it wouldn’t workout, with his income, I wouldn’t be able to afford the children anyway. I am child free, not just because I’m selfish like so many of you suggest, but because I have mental health issues that would prevent me from ever being a good parent.
I have OCD, not the “I like my house clean” ocd, but where I need to shut a door several times until it’s completely shut, or noises like dripping water drive me insane, imagine having a new born when sound can drive you mentally insane-it’s debilitating.
My sister doesn’t deserve to die, and her kids don’t deserve their fate, but realistically their un-biological father is the one who needs to step up; not me.
Many readers wrote to her she is wrong and she should adopt them she replies on the blog:
To those of you who said I’m a Jerk, fair, but then let me ask you, why aren’t you adopting? Why aren’t you fostering? Why aren’t you making sure you get kids out of the system? Get off your damn high horse.
What do you think about this situation? Here are a few comments on the story where it was originally posted:
