Story by Suka Nasrallah
Forgive me. My first child. My eldest. The one who made me a mother.
Where do I begin with you? How can I perfectly express the depth of my feelings for you? How can I make you fathom your worth?
Forgive me. I know there was so much responsibility put on you without you even understanding.
Forgive me. I learned so much with you, you were my trial and error, you were my oops.. you were my uh-oh.. You were a series of “firsts”.
Forgive me. My goodness, if I go back and think about our first years together, you were flawless in every way, while I was a mess.
It was a new world to both of us but you were so perfect in every way, while I, I was lacking. Emotionally, I was a wreck and you were the only thing that kept me going.
Forgive me.
Forgive me for learning with you, through you, because of you. Not before you. Forgive me for being weary when I would hear your cries in the middle of the night. Forgive me for letting postpartum be a grey cloud that encompassed my days.
Forgive me.
I don’t say this lightly my son, you are everything. You are YOU, and there is so much meaning in that. You are my prized possession. You are my whole being; my soul. You are my true love, a love so deep it runs in my veins.
Oh what it means to love your boy. To love an extension of your being. To be able to physically hold your heart. Oh to love your boy with no limits.
Forgive me. Your love got me through. You taught me how to love; a love so powerful it physically hurts. You gave me the most honourable title one can carry- Mother.
You taught me what it means to be a mother, and how to be a mother. Taught me sacrifice. Taught me patience. Taught me dedication. Taught me discipline.
Forgive me, for I’ve put the weight of the world on your shoulders, I simply couldn’t do it without you. Forgive me, my firstborn. My deepest love. My realest connection. My best memories.
The boy who gave me life the second I gave him his.
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