“So, I was sitting on the toilet peeing this morning, and I heard a loud boom in my house. Rowdy started barking and going crazy; It sounded like it was coming from the front door, like either a window or a door was busted. So mid-pee, I jumped up, threw my undies on, and grabbed the gun in my nightstand. I ran to my living room, and saw no one. I immediately called Brian (because I can overreact sometimes); and he told me to go through the house and check it out with him on the phone, with the gun. I threw open our bedroom doors, checked all the windows… nothing. So, I decided to check my hall bathroom. (It doesn’t have windows, but just in case.) I pushed on the door, but I couldn’t open it. Something pushed back!
I started freaking out, screaming, ‘I have a gun!’ I set the alarm off, grabbed Rowdy, and left my house! I was on the phone with Brian, this whole time. He had to get off the phone with me, because the security system was calling him. I called my mom to tell her someone was in my house! Then, I drove to the Dollar Store, up the street. I saw the police officer drive into the subdivision; and shortly after that, the police called and asked me to come to the house. I walked up (with no pants), and asked to put pants on… Police officer said he would check out the house. I sat in my car and waited until he came out to tell me that it was a curtain rod—a freaking curtain rod!
I had run out of my new house, in my new neighborhood, in my underwear; set off the alarm, and called the police…. With literally no bra, no shoes, no pants; a dog in one arm, and a gun in the other; making a mad dash across my yard to get to my car—all because of a curtain rod! I’m done. Stick a fork in me.”
