My son (23M) Chris just graduated college. He used to live hours away from me and his mom and younger sister but recently moved back in with us because he could no longer afford rent. He said it was temporary but he’s been here for 4 months and that’s not what bothers me but the fact that he adds to our expenses and hasn’t started working and doesn’t help in any capacity, In other words he’s become a burden. I talked to my wife about how Chris has been lazy and mooching off of everyone lately and suggested giving him the push he needed to start counting on himself as an adult. She gasped saying how dare I imply we kick him out but that wasn’t what I suggested.
I sat with Chris and gave him a timeline as to when he’s expected to either start working and help around the house or move out. Til then I gave him rules that he needed to follow til further notice and those rules were:
A. No counting on us to do basic tasks and start doing his own laundry and wash his own dishes.
B. No complaining about what’s for lunch/dinner and accept and be grateful for the food he eats.
C. No wifi more than 6hrs a day just like he’s younger sister.
He kept laughing as I read him the rules repeatedly saying “bullsh%t man, are you serious?” I said “for real” and told him there was more…
D. No luxuries like Netflix subscriptions and youtube live streams unless he somehow pays for it himself.
This was it for Chris, he blew up complaining about how ridiculous and unfair my rules were and reminded me he’s not a child anymore but I told him child or not, as long as he lives under my roof then he’s expected to follow the owner’s rules. He got frustrated and yelled “mom” to come to his rescue. He got her involved and asked her to talk some sense into me. My wife argued with me and I asked her if she was okay with Chris recklessly increasing our bills and spending so much of our money on lavish stuff while doing nothing in return.
She blew up telling me to get rid of these unreasonable rules and that I should be ashamed of myself for treating my own son as an unwanted guest. I refused and told her she was enabling his unacceptable behavior and that Chris still has a chance to turn his situation around if he doesn’t like it. Plus what does this teach our daughter? That it’s okay to be a lazy and irresponsible adult. She said Chris came home with a degree so damn right he’s responsible but is struggling and I was making it worse for him. She finished by saying I shouldn’t be surprised if he no longer speaks to me after he moves out eventually. Am I wrong? Did I go too far here?
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