I’m 16f and I have a sister and a brother who are 9m and 8f. My mom is married to John, who has a son 11m and a daughter who is 9f. My dad died while my mom was pregnant with my sister. She met John two years later and they married quickly (7 months after meeting). The other four kids consider mom and John as their parents. My sister is especially close to John and calls him dad 100% of the time, and considers my dad to be *my* dad and not hers. My brother is a little more mixed. Calls John dad but does ask about our dad at times, and does keep a photo of him in his bedroom.
John and my mom wanted to do a big adoption where he adopts us, and she adopts his kids, and then our last name changes to his. The other four kids are on board for this but I am not. It’s been a two year discussion of sorts. Covid meant they couldn’t proceed for a while and then, when they looked into it, they learned I would not be adopted and my name wouldn’t be changed, without my giving the go ahead.
For almost a full year now they have tried everything from therapy, to bringing it up in front of other family members so I will accept. I told them I was not going to agree. So they filed for the four adoptions and two name changes to happen. They felt the whole thing was less special and had a sour note to it because I was not included in the adoption and name change. My sister was so mad at me for making her dad upset. John’s kids hate me for rejecting their dad.
My brother was more upset that the whole thing was such a focus really. My mom told me the moment was almost perfect and I was the reason it wasn’t. She told me letting John be my new dad was in no way replacing my dad and that I was going to regret it when I’m the one who’s the odd one out in the future. I told her I already have been, because I am the only one who doesn’t say mom and dad for her and John, I’m the only one who has memories of the parent I lost, and I’m the one who had to be hounded by it forever.
John told me he’s sick of my sh%t and he hopes I regret this decision in a few years time, because he won’t offer again. I told him I didn’t want him to offer again.
What are your opinions? Did I over react? Here are a few comments on the story where it was originally posted:
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