I (F20) developed a very healthy relationship with my mother about two years ago. I considered her my best friend and so did she. I even told her about my boyfriend after years of hiding it. She was very supportive of me and happy too.
An year later I found out that she is cheating on my father. I was devastated because I thought of her as my role model. I didn’t tell my father because I have a brother with special needs who needs them. I didn’t even confront my mother but we kinda started drifting apart. A couple of months later she confessed it to me. She gave a few excuses as to why her cheating on my father isn’t as bad (1. They have a 20 year age gap 2. Unhappy sex life 3. My father has health issues and she’s tired of giving up everything to take care of him 4. She can’t divorce him because of my brother). I get it, I see her point. I let it slide because she’s a good mother and it’s her personal life.
BUT the problem is that she thinks that her having an affair is the same as me being in a relationship. She wants to gossip about this new guy when I clearly don’t want to listen. She told me once how he considers me his daughter and I straight up told her that I’m not a orphan for him to try and be my father. My mom took it personally. This guy tries too hard to act like he’s a part of our family. I hate it. I tried to talk to my mother about how I don’t want to listen about this new guy, she can do whatever she wants and I won’t tell, but I just don’t want to hear it. It worked, she stopped talking about him. But she also stopped talking to me in general. Whenever she talks, it’s always complains about my father.
Ever since she has been really passive aggressive towards me for not accepting the guy and being supportive of her “relationship”. She’s always throwing taunts in my way, in everything I do. Here’s an instance:
MOM: Women have to suffer so much. Don’t do this, don’t wear that..
ME: Yeah. What’s worse is that women don’t even support other women.
MOM: True. When your own daughter doesn’t support you how do you expect other women to? sarcastic smile Am I wrong?
I can’t take this anymore. I’m tired. Why is it impossible to make her understand that it’s difficult to hear things against my father and that it doesn’t necessarily mean I am against her? How do I make her understand without her turning this into some sort of argument?