I met my husband 6 years ago and we got married two years ago. We have two kids together, a 3 year old and a 1 year old. Our relationship has been pretty amazing all these years and I was never given reasons to question him ever.
We even trust each other with our phones. It’s not like we are searching each other’s phones to see if somebody’s cheating, but for example if he’s in another room and someone calls or texts him and his phone is next to me he’ll ask me to check who it is and what the text says.
So a few days ago I was sitting on the couch, my husband was doing the dishes and he got a text. He told me to check who it is and it was a plain number with no contact name and the message said “I want to introduce you to my boyfriend this week, I’m sure you’ll love him, I love you and miss you, can’t wait to see you” I didn’t even know what to think, I had no idea who it was and at first I thought they had the wrong number. I didn’t pay much attention and I told my husband it was an unknown number and probably a mistake. As I said, I had no reason not to trust him.
Couple days passed and as I was getting ready for work another text came which said “So X and I will be waiting for you at Y restaurant on Saturday. Got a reservation at 7pm in X name. See you then, love you”. It was the same number. That’s then I realised it was not an accident so I confronted my husband about it. At first he was insisting its an accident but after a lengthy argument we had, he ended up admitting that he got a second SIM card which he always takes out when he’s around me and he just forgot to take it out that’s why he got these messages while I was present. The other thing that I found out was that the person who was texting him was his 17 year old daughter who I was unaware of.
Basically at 16 he got a classmate of his pregnant and they went nc immediately after that and haven’t spoken in years. He never knew if she indeed gave birth, or gave up the baby for adoption. Nothing. He found out about his daughter’s existence a bit before I gave birth to my 3 year old. He did it from me for all this time because he was afraid of my reaction and that I might not be as accepting.
I confronted him about the fact that he hid it from me and he said that after all I had no business knowing and how he handles the situation with his older daughter is none of my business after all so I better quit the tantrums and suck it up. I feel so guilty that I fought with him over it because he was just trying to be a good dad and he didn’t want to risk losing his daughter again in case I was not accepting of the situation. Am I A Jerk?
What would you do in her situation? Any advice. Here are a few comments on the story where it was originally posted: