Nobody ever likes to feel second-best, particularly when they should be someone’s main priority. For one lady in this story it was difficult to understand that her husband was still friends with his ex-girlfriend, Anna. Although their friendship didn’t worry her at first, he did something so damaging to their relationship that she could never trust him again. Continue reading to learn more about what occurred to their relationship and what would you do in her situation.
Source: Reddit
My husband has this best friend, Anna. They’ve been friends for a long time and dated years ago, mutually deciding that it’s best for them to remain friends. I’ve had no problem with this relationship until now.
On the day that I gave birth, Anna’s brother got into a car accident. My husband got a call from her in the middle of the night and asked him if he could drop her at the hospital her brother was at (an hour away from us) since she was too scared to drive. My husband agreed, told me quickly while I was half-asleep and rushed out.
A few hours later, I had contractions and called my husband. He didn’t pick up after multiple tries so I gave up and called my Dad, who drove me to the local hospital (12 minutes away). I was so scared of giving birth alone since I’ve had about 3 miscarriages and 1 stillborn.
My husband promised me that no matter what, he’d be there for me. Guess what? He wasn’t. We called multiple times while I was in labor and when he finally picked up my Dad’s call when I was giving birth, saying that he’d misplaced his phone in the chaos, my Dad informed him that no matter how fast he drives anymore, he’s going to miss the birth of his child.
Well, my husband took that as “he’s already screwed up, so it doesn’t matter when he shows up at this point” so when he FINALLY came, our daughter was about 5 hours old and I’d already moved to the maternity ward.
When he came, I refused to let him see our baby (edit: did let husband hold and play with baby after discharge) because I was so high on emotions and was shaking when I saw him and didn’t want it to negatively affect my time with the baby. I wanted her birth to be a happy time and I was already struggling to feed her.
My husband was in a bad state and told me to please let him see her, so I told him to stand by the window and held the baby up so he could see her. I told him to then leave and he’ll be allowed to interact with the baby at my father’s home when we’re both well and out of the hospital and that I was most likely divorcing him.
He started bawling and apologizing and defended himself by saying that Anna’s brother was in serious critical condition and although he’s fine, Anna needed him. Though Anna’s parents were there, she’s not that close with them and she was in an unbearable state.
I told him that I didn’t care and that his daughter had already come second to him and all she did was be born. I’m putting my daughter’s and my health first and won’t let her be sidelined. My husband agreed and left. However, Anna called me later and said that I was being controlling and she’d never met someone as cruel as me for not letting a father see his baby. I told her that my husband made his decision and that this was his doing not mine.
But now, I can’t help feeling cruel in my actions and feel like I’m depriving my baby of both her parents being together. My husband sees her a few hours each day now. Am I A Jerk?
Edit: I feel like this is useful information and could explain why I was so mad.
Anna’s brother was not in a life/death situation. He had serious injuries, but most were concentrated on his legs and arm. He did have a concussion but gained consciousness soon. Anna was there along with both her parents who managed all the hospital stuff. My husband was there as an emotional support for Anna.
I did let my husband see our baby, right after I got discharged (Edit: husband saw baby, husband held baby, husband played with baby). I wanted a couple days of rest and bonding with the baby since my emotions were so high and I was afraid if my husband was a continuous presence, I’d get stressed and something bad would happen. I told him as such. They spend time together, but I’m still cold with him.
I may still be the a**hole, I don’t know, but I’m still so mad at him and it’s not the first time he put Anna before me. I can forgive the other times since I could handle it but this time was the straw. I was so scared to hold my baby because I was paranoid the minute I touch her, something would happen to her and no one was there to comfort me. I only had my dad but he wasn’t in the delivery room which is why I’m not too keen on forgiving my husband.
Also, we both knew the baby was due anytime now so I don’t understand why my husband didn’t have his phone on him. We even tried reaching out to Anna and she didn’t pick up either.
After he learned I was giving birth, they already knew that Anna’s brother was going to be alright. He spent that time making sure that Anna was okay and feeding her and then waiting for the brother to regain consciousness. He could’ve come back after seeing his daughter to talk with the brother. He would’ve made it back in time.
Edit: So many of you got it wrong. I’m not preventing him from EVER seeing his baby, that is stupid and unreasonable. He literally saw her about a day later when we were discharged safely at my dad’s home. He already didn’t see her for 5 hours on purpose and put Anna first, I didn’t think an additional day would make much of a difference. And it wasn’t to him, he was happy to see the baby and he spends time with her all the time. She’s two months old now.
And also, I’m not mad about the fact he went to see Anna, I’m mad that he didn’t think we were a high priority to rush back to. He left me so quickly in the middle of the night when I was already late, he couldn’t have left Anna in the care of her parents and rushed as soon as possible? She’s not a child and she doesn’t have any mental health issues either.
Edit 3: So sorry for all the edits! But someone just messaged me this: What if my baby was born a stillborn again? He had no way to know since he and I didn’t have ANY contact after I gave birth. Thank the stars, my baby is healthy and well but it was a possibility.
Edit/Update: Thank you everyone for your replies. I think that I was an a**hole for using my child against him and should have told him that he could hold and then asked him to leave.
So the divorce is probably going to happen. My brother is looking at lawyers for me.
In the midst of this whole mess, this post made me realize I never checked on Anna’s brother to see how he’s healing because I was so irked by Anna. I called him and he said that he was doing well and will be out of his wheelchair soon. He asked about me and the baby and how I was doing with the split and if I was okay with my husband and … Anna.
I can’t believe I was so oblivious. I thought they had an emotional thing going on because of this and when I confronted my husband, he denied it and said me and our baby were his priority and he made a “mistake” and he was being dumb.
Yea no, Anna’s brother kindly informed me that he and Anna’s parents thought that my husband and I split when I was 7 months pregnant and that Anna and him were back on. He showed up at the hospital as Anna’s boyfriend which is why they didn’t bat an eye that he was there and not with his pregnant wife. Because apparently we split. Her brother’s procedures were done well before the afternoon so I don’t know what my husband and Anna were doing for all those hours, but I don’t even wanna know. If you want more details, I can answer in a comment.
Thanks everyone for your kind words and advice. I will be moving back home and filing for full custody. I don’t want my baby growing up to be like her father or Anna. He can be a fun dad or whatever it is he wants to be.
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