My husband (33M) and I (32F) just welcomed our second child 2-months ago. We also have a 3-year old daughter. This pregnancy was a lot more difficult for me than my first. I had complications and had to take an early maternity leave from work because my doctor recommended bedrest. Thankfully, everything with the delivery went fine and our son is healthy and happy.
In order to help while I was on bed rest, my mom came to stay with us. She came when I was about 8-months pregnant, right when I went on bedrest. She also stayed after the birth and just recently moved back home a week or so ago. It was so helpful having her here and I am forever grateful for it. However, my husband could not have been happier to see her leave.
He expressed to me numerous times that he feels my mom is overbearing and that she inserts herself into every situation under the guise of “helping.” He says he felt marginalized in both his roles as husband and father the entire time she was here. I will admit that my mom can be very protective and almost over-caring, if that makes sense. She has a strong motherly instinct and I can kind of see how it would rub my husband the wrong way. I was not in a position to fight either one of them on anything, so I told my husband he’s just going to have to deal with it and that it’s short term. He was so happy to see her leave. I’m surprised he didn’t throw himself a little party.
Now that my mom is gone, he wants his parents to come visit. They live far enough away that they would have to fly here. I told my husband that I am not ready for visitors and that now that I am more recovered, I want to spend time with just my family and bond.
Instead of being supportive of my needs, he took offense and pretty much threw it in my face that I was ok with my mom being here for 3-months and now I won’t even let his family meet their grandchild. He accused me of having double-standards and even asked if I hate his parents, which I absolutely do not. I just want some time with my nuclear family before having anyone else come visit.
My husband argued that his parents would be getting a hotel anyway so it’s not like they would be staying with us. He just wants them to meet his new son. I told him that I am not forbidding his family from ever meeting our son, but that now is not a good time. He asked when a good time would be and I told him that I will tell him when I’m ready for them to come.
He told me that he’s tired of living his life based completely on my timelines and needs. He said that at some point, what he wants should at least matter a little bit instead of me constantly dictating the terms of our life. I told him that when he experiences a difficult pregnancy and birth, then he can dictate things, but until then, my needs matter more than his wants.
He’s now barely speaking to me. He will do things I ask and help with whatever I need, but it’s like he’s on autopilot and sulking because he can’t get what he wants. Do any other husbands do this? How to make him understand?
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