My (26F) husband (26) and I have been married for almost 2 years. His family are a very close knit group and although they are very kind and giving, it can also be overbearing IMO. I grew up very differently, my family isn’t near as close or overbearing.
Well, his family likes to show up to our house unannounced. This usually happens about once a month and it’s usually on a Sunday. I personally find this very rude, to show up to someone’s house whenever you want and not say anything to them. On Sundays I don’t usually get ready, the house is a wreck, I don’t have a bra or makeup on, I don’t fix my hair, because it’s my day to relax. So when they just show up, I have to fly through my a%@ to get dressed, put a bra on, run a brush through my hair etc. It’s his dad, mom, and sister; and I don’t want to look like sh*t in front of them. I’m also not that comfortable with them, maybe it’s because I grew up differently.
Recently, I stopped doing that. I just don’t even go outside to say hi anymore because I simply don’t want to. I don’t want to fly through my a%#, I don’t want to see them, I didn’t know or ask them to come over so I don’t want to go out of my way to say hi for 20 seconds. This may make me an a#@%ole, but I feel like it’s that hard to tell me you’re coming over. Just give us a heads up so I can get ready and put a bra on.
The most recent time they had set up a little gift on our front porch. I stayed inside because, well, they showed up unannounced and I was taking a nap. My husband went outside to thank them, say hello, etc. His mom asked where I was and when he told her I was napping and not dressed she told him to tell me to get dressed and come outside because this gift was for me. So, I did. I threw a bra on, got dressed, went outside, thanked them profusely but I could tell his mom was upset with me.
My husband thinks I’m being rude, but I think it’s his family that is rude. It’s rude to show up unannounced to someone’s home whether you have a gift for them or not. All I’m asking is for a heads up that they are coming. I’m not ungrateful for the random gifts, I think they are nice and his family is very sweet. However, I didn’t ask for any of that, I like my space. My husband says he doesn’t know how to tell them that without sounding ungrateful, but I feel like they are crossing a boundary here. Am I the a**hole?
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