Adoption is a life-changing experience for both the kid and the new parents, and it may be an emotional roller coaster all through the process. Read the story to know why this mother backed out from her child’s adoption and what do you think of the situation?
Source: Reddit
My brother (32m) and his wife (34f) have fertility issues and chose adoption. Our family is very wealthy, so they went the route of finding mothers directly. The way my brother describes it, they are “trading” support during the pregnancy for the baby at the end.
They found a very sweet woman, “Sarah” (19f), who is very poor. SIL messaged her from a post Sarah made on a Buy Nothing group asking for prenatal vitamins. After several meet ups, Sarah agreed that she has very few options. She signed paperwork that allows my brother and SIL to pay for and attend her appointments through the pregnancy.
Another form of support they offered her was talking to me, because I went through a teen pregnancy at 17. I’m now 24, and my son is 7. When I first met her, she was amazed that I had managed to keep my son. We’ve continued to meet up over the last 3 months and have gotten close.
About 2 weeks ago, I was hanging out with Sarah after one of her appointments. She was quiet and sad. After some prompting, she told me she was devastated that she couldn’t raise her son like I could. She said it was painful to have my brother and SIL in the room discussing her son’s future.
Here’s where I screwed up. I felt awful that Sarah felt trapped into giving up her baby. I never had to consider giving up my son. My parents literally just gave all of us enough money/real estate/etc that I could never work again and still raise my son with luxuries. So I asked her how much money she thought she needed to keep her son.
She was confused by the question. I told her that her son was her son first, and I would help her keep him if she actually wanted to. She seemed shocked and left the restaurant without saying much.
3 days ago, she told me she had done the math. She sent me a thorough spreadsheet, including medical care, rent and food during her recovery (which she only allowed herself 3 weeks for), and very ltd baby supplies. The list was very cheap and included a schedule for how she would pay me back. We met up and I told her I would give her everything she asked for, plus significantly more supplies and higher rent for a longer period of time. I also told her I would pay for vocational training, and that she didn’t have to pay me back. She was floored and accepted everything except for insisting on a schedule for repayment (which I don’t plan on enforcing).
She backed out of the adoption that night. My brother and SIL are heartbroken and livid with both of us. She had to block them, and I moved temporarily because they keep showing up to yell at me. I know I went out of my way to stop their adoption, and I feel awful that I hurt them, but I couldn’t watch it happen knowing all Sarah needed to keep her son was the small amount of money I could easily give her.
Did I go too far here?
Here are a few comments on the story where it was originally posted:
