Being a stepparent may be challenging. It may be tough to handle one’s relationship with stepchildren. You want to look after your stepchildren, however you also want to avoid overstepping limits. Read the story to know what happens in this story.
A few weeks ago my stepson (13M) came out to his father (40M) and I (32F) as transgender. His father has never believed in someone being transgender and was not open to it when his son came out. He always deadnames him and uses she/her pronouns when referring to him and talking to him. I’ve tried to get him to come around even suggesting going to a support group for parents with transgender teens, but he is not ready to change. I’ve told him that this treatment of his son is only going to blowback on him later but he’s convinced “it’s just a phase.”
A couple years ago my husband got primary custody of his son because his mom had a bad trip with drugs, but she’s since been clean since early 2019 and has been fighting for more custody. My stepson asked his mom for the haircut but she’s afraid to take him because my husband will probably document it in the custody case and villainfy the action. Which left my stepson to ask me because we both knew his dad would say no.
As a step parent I recognize there are certain boundaries I shouldn’t cross, but I couldn’t look at this child who has been treated so horribly since coming out, and just wants to feel more comfortable in his identity and say no. I took him to a barber shop where he got his hair buzzed. He was extremely happy with it and his mom thanked me for taking him.
My husband on the other hand was furious and hasn’t said much to me since and has been sleeping on the couch. People from my own family told me that I crossed boundaries and that it wasn’t my place to take him to get a haircut. The way I see it, I would rather take him to a professional than cut his hair himself and come to resent living with us, and me for never sticking up for him even though I’ve told him he has my support every step of the way of his journey. Am I A Jerk ? What should I do now?
Here are a few comments on the story where it was originally posted: