So this just happened and I’m not sure how I feel.
My ex and I divorced 12 years ago. We have two children and share custody. We have a great coparenting relationship and have had zero issues with anything since our divorce. My ex met his now wife five years ago and we get along good as well. She is a good stepmom to my children and she treats them like they are her own. I have remained single by choice because I spend most of my time at work or with my children. I date occasionally but I am not looking for anything serious.
My ex and his wife were married two weeks ago and I am very happy for both of them. I think it’s great that they finally made it official and that they found happiness with each other.
Tonight my exes wife texted me the following:
Her: So I think now that me and (ex) are married you should change your name. After all there can be only one Mrs. (exes last name). (Smiley emoji)
Me: Hi (wife’s name). I hope you are both doing well. I’m a little confused as to why I would need to change my name.
Her: Because we are married now and I’m his wife. I should be the only one with his last name.
Me: Ex and I have not been married for over 12 years. The reason I did not change my name is due to all my professional certifications and licenses. Ex and I agreed when we got divorced that it was too much of a hassle to change everything and I would keep my last name the same to avoid the stress and headache of having to do that.
Her: Well that changes now. You WILL change your name immediately.
I didn’t respond to the last text she sent and after about 10 minutes my ex called me and demanded to know why I upset her. I sent him screenshots of the texts and my replies and told him that this entire conversation is ridiculous and immature. He told me that maybe I should just change my name so he doesn’t have to deal with the drama. I told him I refused. I said that again we agreed during the divorce I wouldn’t change my name, and even if I wanted to, most of the state offices and courts are closed where we live and it would be near impossible to do.
I told my ex that we haven’t been married for 12 years, I have zero romantic feelings for him and that the only reason I have maintained a relationship with him is because of our children. I told him that they are our priority and we need to all get along to raise them as good coparents. I told him that changing my name won’t make me any less my kid’s mother or his ex wife and that unfortunately new wife needs to deal with it.
He told me I was making his life difficult and wishes I would reconsider. Am I A Jerk for not wanting to change my name?