It might be difficult to meet the image demands of a partner’s high-powered work. In this story a girlfriend had to accompany her partner to a business gathering, she felt as if she was being expected to morph into a whole other person. As a result, she requested payment from him.
Source: Reddit
I’m a woman in a career field which really doesn’t care about appearances. My boyfriend is in a job where looks matter more, investment banking. He wears suits and has to present himself as more wealthy to look good at work. My boyfriend wanted me to come to some work events, dinners or happy hours. But he said that it was something we’d need to dress up for.
I offered to wear some nice dresses I have and he said that it was more than that, his coworkers wives and girlfriends wore designer clothes and had professionally done hair and nails. And that it really was just what was needed to succeed in his workplace so he considered it a professional expense. I said that made sense for himself but I’m not responsible for his professional expenses.
He agreed to pay for the clothes and salon appointments and I also asked him to compensate me for my time getting “presentable” for those events. Additionally, if he wanted me to act a certain way during these events which was different from my usual behavior at a social event, it should be treated like work, I’d expect to be paid for my time.
He thought that was unfair, saying that it was weird to charge my boyfriend to attend an event with him. I said that if I’m not attending as myself, but instead presenting an image for business development purposes, that’s not socializing, that’s labor.
He agreed to that at the end, and we came up with a list of things I’d need to attend an event with him… Designer dress, designer heels, jewelry, hair done, nails done, makeup done, handbag… He picked out the dress heels and bag, and he asked me to find salons to have my hair, nails, and makeup done.
When I told him how much the cosmetics appointments and the time I spent on them cost he was upset it was $700. And adding that to the clothes he bought and the time we’d be at the event, it was coming to almost $2000. We went and I played the part, it was uneventful. Nobody paid me much attention. Felt like a bit of a waste but whatevs.
But afterwards when I mentioned that I wanted to borrow his card to make an appointment to get the nails removed, since I needed them filed down by a professional before work, he got frustrated with me. Saying that I was milking him for money and I was only with him for money. I told him that I make the same as he does.
He got pissed and said that most girls know how to dress themselves and do their own makeup nice, and I got so frustrated I said sarcastically “go date most girls then, I’m sure ‘most girls’ would looove being treated like a human dress up doll!”
He got really mad about that and I feel frustrated too, like he expects me to do sh*t unpaid for his work! Like I would never ask him to do sh*t for my job, let alone do my job unpaid!
Am I wrong for wanting to be paid if my labor was going towards my boyfriend’s career?
Here are a few comments on the story where it was originally posted:
