Nobody is here to disagree that every bride (and, presumably, groom) has specific preferences, wishes, and guidelines for their weddings. It’s only normal given that it’s their wedding. Read the story and let us know what you would have done.
Source: Reddit
I’ve been dating my fiancé for 10 years and we’re expecting a baby which is due in March. We’ll elope before the baby arrives for legal reasons but we’ll do it in January so we’ll be able to organise a small party for family and close friends, no more than 20 people. My best friend and her future husband will be invited though.
So straight to the point. My best friend is getting married in a month. She’s been with her fiancé for a year and they got engaged within 6 months. Personally that’s too rushed in my opinion but that’s her life so if she believes this is the right man this is her decision.
Once they got engaged around April, she asked me to be her maid of honor. She then started telling me about how she plans on having a huge celebration with 200+ guests (vaccination rates are very high in my country and most restrictions are eased since cases are also very low). Naturally I assumed my fiancé would be invited, my best friend has known him for 10 years and they’re also friendly. Most of our friends are married so their spouses get an automatic invite. I assumed my fiancé would be invited too but my bff decided to notify me that he’s not invited, literally yesterday during a chat we had and I told her about the suit my fiancé bought.
She told me “Ummm I never told you X is invited though?”, I asked her what she meant by that. She said that only married and long term couples are invited to the wedding. I reminded her, I’m engaged to that man, we’re expecting a kid together and I’ve been with him for 10 years, while we’re also planning to get eloped in a few months. She objected and said she didn’t invite him because she doesn’t see our relationship as valid if it took us so long to make our relationship legal and how if we’ve been waiting 10 years to take the next step then our relationship bond is probably not that strong. Told her that that’s not her decision to make and she doesn’t get to decide whether my relationship is valid or not.
She insisted on her decision and said “I’ll not invite him, I decide who comes and who doesn’t, and since I don’t think your relationship is as strong as it should be, you may break up soon and I don’t want an ex existing in my wedding pictures. Accept it or leave, I am not in a mood to deal with that drama”. I told her she’s being ridiculous assuming that we might break up based on her bizarre beliefs and reminded her I’ve been with that man for 10 years while she’s been with her man for less than one year and she is ridiculous for thinking she can dictate who’s serious and who isn’t. I told her I’m dropping the maid of honor role because I refuse to be disrespected like that and told her she can search for someone new to torture but not me.
Our mutual friends have told me I’m TA for dropping out of the wedding and how I should respect the bride’s decision. I respect it but I won’t be a part of it. Am I really a TA? 🙁
How would you handle such a situation? Here are a few comments on the story where it was originally posted:
