Source: Reddit
So I have a distant friend. She is a friend of a friend of a friend type deal. She has 3 kids. I have 3 cats. Ha.
Her kids are enrolled in a camp very close to my house. Pick up for the camp is at 4pm. The line for pickup for the kids is 3pm. Yeah, it can take a really long time to pick up kids at that camp. A big old line of cars form up everyday to get the kiddies. it’s a bit chaotic.
Now here is the story:
This Friend of a friend, has been using her “lunch breaks” to fetch the kiddies from camp. Sometimes the traffic is sooooo bad she is late getting back to work. I’m not sure if she takes the kids with her to work or drops them off somewhere but the situation at work is getting dicey. Her boss is sick of her coming back late.
Now, I live very close to this camp. My house is on the “pick up your kid parade route” these parents are on. oh there are some angry humans waiting to get into that school for those kids. Mark my words!
Friend of a friend has come up with a brilliant idea, in her eyes anyway. She has asked me to go get the kids for her. All 3 of them. She would Like me to take them back to my house, give them a snack or something and wait for her to pick them up. She thinks it will be much easier to fetch them from my house than the camp, since she has to drive into the camp and I can merely walk.
I said no. I am not a babysitter, I’m not a nanny. I’m an artist. I have a job, I work from home but I have a job, I’m not watching 3 kids under the age of 10 for unknown hours and have to provide snacks for them as well.
She said that she would pay me 20 bucks to fetch the kids.
I said “NO. I already have 20 bucks, so I’m good.“ She does not find this funny, but I sure did.
She tells me: “she is a single mom trying to do her best. It takes a village! I am so close to the camp, why can’t I just do this favor for her?”
I say, “because it’s not a favor. It’s a job. I already have a job, I work from home, I am an artist. Also, I don’t know your kids. I barely know you. I’m not watching 3 stranger kids for anyone. That is just how that cookie crumbles.”
Well, she is unhappy! Very very unhappy. Her next plan is set into motion: send in the Mommy Group! She gets my friend and a few other friends to email and call me. Nothing like a good Mommy Wagon Train to circle around with.
Except, That doesn’t work either. You see, I’m not in high school, so the whole peer pressure thing no longer applies to my life. I don’t care if they like me or not. Also, I’m not a human mommy, I’m a fur baby mommy. Other fur baby mommies don’t care about such things. We are a super laid back group in general. We have a pick up your kids poop and I’ll pick up my kids poop policy.
Mommy Group made some big points with me: 1. How easy it would be for me to get the kids from the camp. 2. I could do arts and crafts with the kids until mom came and got them. 3. I would not be lonely during the day because I would have kids to play with. 4. It would be a nice thing to do for a single mom who is struggling with a situation right now.
All really interesting points …. that… have absolutely no impact on me. Arts and crafts with the kiddies? Are you for real? I don’t do arts and crafts, I sell art for a living. I’m not a freaking Micheal’s. The kids can’t help, I don’t want them too, and my studio some days are full of wreck. I don’t even let the cats in there on those days. Plus a single mommy with 3 kids is driving a new BMW. Perhaps she should have gotten a more economic car and a professional nanny.
I reminded them all that if it was so easy to do this one thing, then they too can get the kids from the camp. Hell, park in my dang driveway if you need to be Ladies. Then they can walk in and grab the kids. Take them home and do arts and crafts. Plus a friend of a friend will pay them 20 BUCKS For their trouble. Not sure if that’s for the week or per day but who cares! It’s like printing money at that point! All they have to do is provide the snacks and wait for her to claim the kids!
Also truly funny reply but still not getting a laugh from the Mommy Group. In fact, I only got stunned silence and I think cricket sounds. I’m just not hitting my target audience with this humor!
Whelp, it took a while for Friend Of A Friend to see that I’m not willing to provide child Care for free, for the 20 bucks, or for the sake of the village. I also pointed out that my idea of “juice boxes“ is a Franzia refreshing white carton. And my idea of a snack is waiting until dinner. All points she finds to be unhelpful and not practical.
Sadly, friend of a friend Mommy is still racing to get her kids from the camp. Turns out the Mommy Group folks are just too busy to fetch the kiddies for her Too. Bummer I know. I thought it would be so easy for them. Since they had made such goooooood points about picking them up.
Life moves on, Camp is still swinging, the parade of cars grows longer and slower everyday!
Then today this happened:.
I am inside my house sitting on my couch binging the good, the bad and the ugly of street food venders on You Tube. I hurt my back so I’m leaning on a heating pad. You can see me from my living room window if you are on “the parade of cars” picking up their kids From the camp. My Feet up on the coffee table, my cats are on the porch, my “juice box“ hahah Franzia is to the right of me. 😉
Just Then, I get a angry text on my phone:
“I thought you said you are working?????? TOOO BUSY TO GET KIDS! LOOKS you’re just sitting there doing nothing but watch TV! What the hell is the matter with you! WHY CAN’T YOU BE A BETTER FRIEND!”
OMG! It’s a friend of a friend! Neato!
To which I answer:
“I am working, I’m drawing on my iPad. I am an artist, I can do that. Gee… ain’t my work grand? I am too busy to get YOUR kids. It looks like I’m watching TV because I AM WATCHING TV! YouTube: Dancing Bacons, street fair in Malaysia, cool! I highly recommend it if you ever get second to yourself. I hurt my back so that’s what the hell is wrong with me, thanks for asking.
And I can’t be a better friend because I don’t want to pick up your kids. I feel like if we got closer and communicated more I would be obligated to fetch your babies. You do see how my way is more convenient …. for me”
HER: those blasted dancing dot dot dot things on the text chat.
ME: Are you sitting in the car outside my house right now?
Her: *slight pause* YES!!!!!
ME: *turns around slowly, big old wine glass in my hand*. I smile, I wink! I lift the glass! I text: CHEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRSSSSSSS! (God, if only I had some pot to light up, now that would have been perfect!)
She was not amused. Still no laughs. I think I’m losing my touch?
Are you laughing dear reader???
