A father will always have a particular place in the hearts of his kids. It might be especially difficult for individuals who have lost their father to accept his absence and the anguish it creates. Read the story to know what the child experienced after the father’s death.
Source: Reddit
My grief has taken a strange turn so excuse my phrasing, it just still doesn’t feel real. My father had throat and lung cancer and we lived together, i cared for him when he would let me but he was mostly fine, a strong willed, stoic gentleman. He had cancer for 3 years and was originally given merely weeks to live, therapy was working at the start but after years of trials, feeding tubes and supplement drinks my father was cadaverous. Weighing under 7 stone and unable to walk without being out of breath, coughing up all sorts and sleeping constantly like a newborn, at the end it was no life at all, and I will be haunted by what I witnessed during our last year together, 2020 the worst year for many.
I came home from work and before I put my key in the front door I felt something, a lack of life. All the lights were off and id had such a wonderful day at work, full of laughter but it felt like a fog so maybe i knew (or rather my body knew) my father was gone all day, had must have passed away just moments after id left for work, i saw him sleeping in the morning, he was fine. When I got home I knew, I could tell my father was no longer home. I entered the house and opened the living room door and found him there, silent, cold. He looked so peaceful (a look I hadn’t seen him sport for months.
My dad’s fight was over and when you live with somebody who is terminally ill you find yourself in a terrible way, a way between ‘they are out of pain’ and ‘why didn’t they fight hard enough to stay with me’ despite years of this fight.) After the police, the coroner, my siblings and of course my father had all left, I was in the house packing a bag to go and stay with my mother for a few days. I went into my spare room to find some pyjamas and all of a sudden a smell. It was a smell my dad had when i was about 4 or 5 years old (i’m 30 now), the smell of booze (faintly, like he had popped into the pub for 1 pint) cigarettes (from the pubs, back when you could smoke in a pub) and Old Spice, mixed with suede. The smell was everywhere. I shouted to my mother and she smelt it too.
We stood there together, smelling him, it felt like he was saying goodbye to me, reminding me of our best years together before his cancer riddled us with fear and pain. I dont believe in spirits or anything like that but I knew he was there, one last time. It’s been 3 weeks since he died, i’m back at our home that we shared together and I miss him terribly, his smell, the suede jacket smell, has gone, he has gone. It felt like he waited until everyone left, he wanted to say goodbye to his wife (separated for years but who he still loved) and his youngest daughter. I know it’s a small thing, but I smelt him, a childhood smell that I missed and hadn’t smelt since the 90’s.
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