My fiancé (“Brian”, 43M) and I (41F) are planning to get married next year. The wedding will be pretty low-key so we have set a date but not booked a venue or sent out invites yet. The reason I chose this specific date is because it would have been my mum’s 75th birthday if she hadn’t passed two years ago and I am devastated she won’t see me get married.
For context, Brian and I have two daughters together and he also has a son (“Peter”, 22M) from a previous relationship. Brian and Peter’s mum did not have a healthy relationship, they separated when Peter was 13, he stayed with his mum and did not have any contact with Brian. However, with the wedding coming up, Brian wanted to reconnect with Peter so reached out to him online a year and a half ago. Peter replied and the two of them met up a few times, but they are not close at all.
Peter is a student and because he has a mental illness he claims to be unable to hold down a job whilst studying. When Brian heard this he offered to give him money, also in part because he feels guilty for not being present during Peter’s teenage years – apparently he did not have a good time living with his mother. Now my fiancé is giving Peter £300 a month which could have gone towards our own daughters. I strongly suspect Peter is only maintaining a relationship with Brian for the money, it’s always Brian who has to message first and initiate meet ups.
Yesterday, Brian asked me to move the wedding because Peter is not available on the date we’ve picked. I got upset, saying that this date means a lot to me and if the wedding meant anything to Peter then surely he could have moved whatever other commitment he has that day? Brian accused me of not caring about him and his family which is obviously not true. I said the things I wrote in my post about Peter just wanting money and not giving two hoots about Brian, which made Brian even more upset and he ended up telling me to get out of the house so I’m staying with my sister now.
We have never had an argument this big. Am I A Jerk? What are your opinions?
Edit: the reason Peter can’t come to the wedding is because his gf’s family has a big gathering abroad every five years and he is going to that. Seems like we are not his priority.
Edit #2: we live in the UK where you’re legally obliged to pay child support, Brian doesn’t owe Peter anything in that regard. I did an online calculator and according to that it was around £450 per month.
Edit #3: I picked my wedding date BEFORE Peter’s gf’s family planned their holiday. Peter KNEW when the wedding would be, then his gf invited him on holiday and he literally CANCELLED on us.
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