When two parents have moved on from their relationship, it can be difficult to integrate somebody new into the scene. Preferably, the co-parents will collaborate to develop a plan that prioritises their kids and is acceptable to all. Alas, this is not always the case in real life. One mother just expressed her issue and it appears to be a difficult one. Scroll down to read the whole story and share your views on this.
Source: Reddit
I have two kids ages 11f and 9m. Ex and I were young parents and broke up the day our son was born. He married his wife Kate when our kids were 4 and 2. It’s been a wild ride. When ex first married Kate he filed to change our custody plan to 50-50 which wasn’t possible before because he worked as a truck driver and was away a lot. He wanted the kids at his house with Kate even if he wasn’t going to be there. The judge rejected it and the custody remained in place for another two years until he left that job so he could have more time with the kids. Then custody went to 50-50.
Ex and Kate have always referred to her as Mom Kate. The kids call her Kate. When custody went to 50-50 ex asked me to split mothers day with them so the kids could celebrate with “both moms” equally. I said no. I got Mother’s Day just like he got Father’s Day. It caused some tension but I had the court order to back me up.
There has been tension and drama over how the kids refer to Kate, their relationship with her vs their relationship with me and how I have never accepted shared mom role with Kate. The truth is I have always felt like she is secondary to me and my ex. Still an active part of their lives. Still has her opinions and requests. But that ex and I are the ones who should be dealing with the nitty gritty stuff.
I found out six weeks ago that ex has asked the kids twice to ask me to let them go to his house for half of Mother’s Day. It came up when my son told me dad asked them to tell me we needed to talk about Kate being their mom. He asked me what I wanted them to tell their dad, I said nothing, I would talk to dad, they didn’t need to. He then told me he was surprised they said anything since they obviously never asked to go their for Mother’s Day and how he always waited for them to say they hadn’t done it either time. I told him not to drag our kids into it. He told me I was being unfair. That Kate has been around long enough to be seen as their mom too. Especially as the mother to their other siblings and how I need to start treating her as such.
It got worse when two weeks ago my daughter was sick and she had the school call me instead of Kate (it was ex’s parenting time and Kate should have been the first call technically but my daughter asked the school nurse to call me). When I called my ex after taking my daughter home things blew up because he was pissed. My daughter asked that I be called and also pissed when our daughter didn’t want to go with Kate when she arrived to pick her up.
They are saying I have poisoned the kids against Kate by not encouraging them to love and treat her the same as me and because I have refused to give up the role of sole mom and share the role with the other woman who is also their mother. It has become a very tense dispute because I don’t see what I have done as wrong. But I guess what they are saying bothers me enough to wonder.
I need some advice on if I’m wrong ? What should I do?
