My partner (32m) and I (32f) have two children (12yo and 2yo). We both have good jobs and own our own business. We were always there for my family when they needed something. Money, a place to stay, they needed to borrow a car, jobs, moving house, help with a bill, I even paid for my brother’s 21st, anything. We are happy and the kids are thriving.
We were expecting our third child before our second scan revealed our baby wasn’t going to make it. After many hospital appointments and trying to find a way to save our baby, we had to say goodbye at 30wks. We asked my parents to watch the children for 24hours while we were in hospital.
My parents agreed but this was the first time they had looked after our 2-year-old and acted as if they were not looking forward to it. My parents aren’t “old” and are usually helpful, but looking after my little one was a bit much to ask. He is an energetic and stubborn little boy, not much different from how I was growing up. For this reason, the eldest went to another family’s home for the night.
We went to the hospital, I gave birth, I held my baby, and I stayed with her until she was taken to the crematorium. We were/are heartbroken. I was told I was the best life support system, and it broke my heart even more.
When we returned, my parents were mad. What took so long? Why did you stay at the hospital? Why did you muck around? We also came home to stories of how my son escaped the house and walked near a very busy street during the 5 p.m. rush. I failed to answer their questions and was in disbelief at their lack of support and love.
Four weeks later, my parents asked to see us. They wanted to go through all the baby items we had for my brother’s (28-year-old) newborn. It hurt to talk about the clothing I was saving for my baby. They offer to take it, clean it, and give it to my brother. I agreed even though it hurt and we didn’t know if we would try again.
But it didn’t stop there. I was asked for the blankets he uses. His clothing. Everything. When I said this is too much, too fast, and he was using it, I was told to get over it and stop hoarding, taking whatever suited them. The last straw was the stroller. A message came through from my sister-in-law asking for the stroller. I didn’t reply.
I got a call from my mother asking why I didn’t reply. My answer was, “I’m not ready.” I was told that my $1200 stroller was going to be wasted and that I should give it away. I told my mother to buy them a stroller herself. I told her that my partner and I were over the disrespect and the lack of remorse. I was told that she would come and get it. I told her to look after her own son, and I will no longer be helping any of them.
My family has now blocked me and the kids from everything because I’m selfish and unkind. And I am. I know that. But am I the AH? What should I do?
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