Even if a staggering number of individuals do not feel, and have never experienced, the desire to have children, the urge to do so remains enormous. Anyone who has taken the momentous decision to live a child-free life will tell you that it is typically met in one of two ways. For some reason, those who choose not to have children typically hear that they will regret it when they are elderly and alone. Individuals felt extremely affirmed when this 85-year-old widow released an open letter about her childless journey. Read the story and share your views on this.
Source: Reddit
Dear Young People
I wonder if I am the oldest person to post on this forum? It was a young lady who told me about this forum and I have read many of your posts and comments for a few weeks. Many have made me smile. Some have made me wince.
It appears to me, many of you on here to validate your life changing decision. Finding people similar to you is important and I understand the need. So can I just say, from my experience, your decision is a good one! And if you want to know why I think that, please give me 5 minutes of your time.
I was married for just over 50 years. We bucked the norm and did not want kids. In those days we said “we are trying” for a few years and then “we cannot have kids” case closed. It was our personal secret. It was nobody’s business. If we were honest and said “we cannot have kids, because we just don’t want them” the fallout with family and friends would have been tough for us.
Our 50 years in a nutshell was perfect. Good jobs, no money worries, followed by our own interests and hobbies. Had many friends and many lovely nieces and nephews. If I could go back in time, would I do it again? (being childfree), 100% yes. I would live the same life one thousand times.
I know and have known many people. This is my humble observation:
GROUP A: They have kids, have a great life and all is perfect. I know many, so it can and does happen.
GROUP B: They have kids, it is a hard life and they have problems. Many wish they could have a childfree do over.
GROUP C: They have kids, all is good. But then the empty nest and dwindling contact breaks their hearts.
GROUP D: The childfree group. I only knew a few.
I cannot give breakdowns and percentages for all the groups. The bottom line, in my experience, GROUP D is always the happiest and most content. Of course there are many happy people from GROUP A too.
My husband died 10 years ago. I mourned him and still miss him every day. But being childfree means this; my life was never defined by kids. I had a strong network of friends and so many hobbies. I was able to move forward. Life goes on and I have a full and happy life and a new partner.
My friends who have lost their partner, who have kids, their common problem is their kids don’t give them enough time. It upsets and hurts them. They are too reliant on them. They expect “payback” for all the time and money they spend on them. Their interest and hobbies are sometimes nonexistent, because everything is/was about their kids (and grandkids). One friend said this, which I never forgot. “the empty nest thing is real, it is like being dumped by the love of your life after two or three decades, but staying friends. It is never the same”
I now have a private apartment in “rest home”. Lovely friends, full busy days and lovely staff, one being the young lady who has asked me many questions about being childfree and told me about this forum.
Good luck to you all.
2nd Post / Addendum:
Reading posts for weeks was easy. Opening an account and posting for the first time tested my limited technical skills. Logged back on and seeing all those messages is now totally overwhelming. I have read a few and will try to reply to those who asked a direct question, it might just take me a while. To everyone else, sorry, it will have to be a big blanket THANK YOU.
