Source: Reddit
My dad died when I was 7 years old. He was my favorite person, my mom’s favorite person (at the time) and I kind of think he was the person who could compliment our personalities enough for us to be super close. Even as a little kid I kind of knew that. It broke the two of us when he died. But then she found someone else, she found Luke. She married Luke when I was 9 and he became her person. Luke, upon realizing my dad had been the parent I was closest to, tried to fill that space, and was unwilling to listen when I said that space was reserved for my dad. It caused some tension. Over time I let some things go. They would call themselves my parents or my mom and dad. I always called him Luke. I always told people close to me about my dad and would make sure it was known Luke was not “dad”.
Our relationship now that I am several years out of their house is amicable but not close. I don’t hate them but my mom and I still don’t mesh well and Luke still wants to fill that role my dad had and I still don’t want him to.
Ever since I got engaged my mom has been more present. She has told me how she always dreamed of this day, etc. Over time she brought up how she and Luke couldn’t wait to see him walk me down the aisle and give me my father-daughter dance and how they were excited to be mom and dad of the bride. I told her none of that was happening. She told me it was always her dream though. That from the time she found out she was expecting a girl she couldn’t wait to watch me on my dad’s arm and in his arms for a dance. I told her that was possible when dad was alive, but not when he was gone. She told me it was still possible.
There was still my dad (Luke) and that he deserved it, they both did. I told her I was walking with my fiance and no father-daughter dance would happen. I told her he was not going to be listed as father of the bride anywhere, because he is not my father. I ended up telling her to leave and I went back to less contact. Then my mom showed up unannounced and started to tell me all about this dream again and what it meant to her and I told her clearly, without hesitation, that her dream stopped being possible when my dad died because he was not here to do that stuff and that Luke was *never* going to be filling my dad’s role for me. I told her she might be able to switch them out easily but I was not.
She left in tears, telling me I had punished her for moving on and punished “my dad” for not being Cal (my dad). That she and “my dad” deserved better than that and I was spiteful.
Am I A Jerk ? What Should I Do ?
Edited to add more additional details:
Luke:
He cut up card’s I had made/given my dad for Father’s Day, that my dad had kept safe before he died, and cut up the back and left the front and then turned them into a collage and acted like they were cards I had given him.
When my mom and him brought out my birth certificate for something, he told me he couldn’t wait to see his name on it instead of “the old husband”.
He told me my dad had done nothing special and that he could do what my dad had done for me and my mom, but better.
Mom: My mom just erased my dad from and added Luke to. Then expected me to do the same. She even went as far as taking photo frames that had stuff like “our family” or “dad and daughter” and replacing them with photos that included Luke instead of my dad. She also told me more than once that Luke was “our new favorite person” or would say “dad’s our favorite person like always” and it was always in reference to Luke.
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