My husband and I have been married for 11 years. We met in college and got married shortly after graduating. We are both very career oriented and have professional goals that we want to obtain. About 8 years ago we had multiple changes in our lives. The first was me finding out I was pregnant unexpectedly. The second was my husband losing his job when the company he worked for filed for bankruptcy.
We had a lot of hard conversations about what these two things meant for our lives. Ultimately, we decided to keep the baby and have my husband stay out of the workforce to get our home ready for a child and to be a SAHD while I continued to pursue my career. We came to this agreement with the understanding that he would be able to pursue his career again in the future. Then, 4 years ago we had another unexpected pregnancy. (Yes, I was on birth control and taking it properly, but no we were not using condoms.) Now we have 2 lovely and amazing children.
The pandemic hit my husband harder than it did me as he was taking on the majority of childcare and the schooling at home for our oldest was difficult. As hard as it was on him, this time period couldn’t have been better for my career. Over the past 2 years I have received multiple promotions and my career trajectory is years ahead of where I thought it would be.
A few weeks ago I received a job offer from a different company that would be another big jump for me. However, it would require relocating to a different state. I excitedly brought this up to my husband but he wasn’t happy for me.
He asked what that would mean for him going back to work and I told him that it would take some time for us to get assimilated to the area and for me to get accustomed to the new job as it would probably be higher stress than what I am doing now, but with much higher pay and benefits. I told him that we could discuss him going back to work in maybe a year or so after we move.
He told me that he’s tired of being a SAHD and he’s becoming resentful of watching me get to achieve my goals and dreams while he is living a life he never envisioned himself doing. He told me I’m being selfish and wanting to uproot our family for my job and for asking him once again to put his goals and dreams on hold so that I can achieve more of mine.
I told him that him being a SAHD doesn’t have to be permanent and this is just another huge step for us as a family. He cut me off and said “No, it’s a huge step for YOU. For the rest of us it’s just moving.” I told him that was unfair and he said the unfair thing was me breaking promises I made to him. I told him that was years ago and things have changed.
If I’m being honest, I know it is going to be hard for him to get back in his career after being gone for so long. A huge gap like that in his employment record is almost DOA for him to get a good job. I feel bad about it, but we do have a pretty good life as it is and this new job would only offer more opportunities. What are your opinions? Please don’t be afraid to criticize. Thank you for your time in advance.
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