Source: Reddit
Me(F24) and my girlfriend(F32) got into an argument days back. The argument was regarding my family. We sorted it out soon after but she said she won’t be visiting them for the dinner planned on the weekend. My parents hold weekly dinners where the entire family gathers. Girlfriend has missed 3 dinners and I make some excuse for her being busy. She decided to skip this one too. I tried to convince her, but she didn’t listen.
I was really upset about my girlfriend not getting along with my family, especially because she doesn’t have any family left. And all my sibling’s partners are present at the dinner party. Its our way to make everyone feel like a part of the family.
A day before dinner my mom convinced me my girlfriend will drift apart from the family if she keeps on holding grudges. My mom wanted to talk to my girlfriend to convince her. She asked me to give the call to my girlfriend. I put it on speaker. They were cordial at first. Girlfriend told my mom there are no grudges, she is just busy with work (which was a lie) and that she’ll visit next time (also a lie) My mom then started telling her “you don’t care about my daughter’s feelings” “she is crying because she wants you to be a part of the family but look at your ego” “you’ve lost your family in your ego and now you’ll make her lose her’s too”
All this while, my girlfriend looked at me blankly and didn’t say anything. I didn’t utter a word. My mom kept going and when my girlfriend couldn’t take it anymore, she disconnected the call.
Now my gf has a big ego. She accepts it. Anyone with the slightest voice raised at her, she takes it to her ego and gets furious. The times I have in the moment raised my voice at her in a disrespectful way, I have always regretted. I also make sure everyone in my family treats her with respect, because she herself treats everyone with uttermost respect.
My gf went crazy at me after the call as to why I didn’t say anything to my mother when that “dumbf%#k of a woman” was yelling? I told her I am sorry and I couldn’t say anything because she was looking out for me, and it was my mistake and I should’ve asked her to not get involved in the first place.
My gf said nobody can talk to her like that, not even my “fu#%@ing” mother. And the comment my “sh*t” mom made about her losing her family because of her ego, to tell her that she lost them not because of her ego but because of our relationship that she is reconsidering now. Because I didn’t say anything to my mother, she feels like I disrespected her, and it wasn’t worth it to let go of her family for a partner who cannot stand up for her.
She says she is extremely hurt because she expected me to say something. She didn’t care what my mom said as she knows she can shut her up in 1 second but she stayed silent because of me but expected me to say something.
I have never in my life raised my voice at my parents. They love me and look out for me and I do too. I feel my girlfriend expecting me to yell at my mom wasn’t right.
She posted an update
UPDATE- Girlfriend and I had a chat after she had calmed down. She said she loves me, still does see a future with me and all these past years her life has always been about me. She said she doesn’t want to ruin a good relationship and cannot imagine a future without me. I thought she was proposing because marriage has been in talks since a while (she wasn’t proposing). She understands my family is important to me and her getting along with them is as important but she cannot do that. She accepted she is judgemental of their living standards and doesn’t like the way they behave and is not comfortable being around them or them being involved in our relationship in any way. She is putting her foot down on this. She is ready to take the relationship ahead but wants nothing to do with my family ever.
No meetings, no phone calls, no relationship at all. She has asked me take time and think about it if this is something I can go with. She said she will have no say in how my relationship is with them and how much I am involved with them but the second they ever get involved in our relationship, she is gonna throw a fit and will shut them up that very second. She doesn’t want my parents or siblings to visit, or call her at all. She says I’ll need to manage these two dynamics differently and keep it apart if I want to take it ahead because she doesn’t want unnecessary drama and thinks I will never stand up for her if that happens.
I really do love her and yes it is important to me that my partner gets along with my family but I am not letting her go because of this. I have no idea what to do now. Should I reconsider this relationship?
