Weddings are fun where one enjoys good food, music and even dressing up. However not all like to dress up for a wedding in a particular way, some like to doll up the way they are comfortable. Read the whole story of this bride who mentioned to her soon-to-be niece that it’s not necessary to wear a dress for the wedding and let us know if you agree with her views.
I (32f) am getting married to my fiancé (41m) next year. After we got engaged, I suggested it might be nice if I asked my fiancé’s niece (who’s 15) if she wanted to be a bridesmaid too. I’ve only met her a couple of times, so we’re not close, but she seemed like a cool kid and I thought it might be a nice way for us to bond/ get to know each other/ involve her in the wedding. (Side note – she’s the only niece/ nephew on either side of the family).
Anyway, cut to a few weeks ago and we’re in my fiancé’s hometown to visit his family and discuss wedding-related stuff. His brother, sister-in-law and their daughter came over and I noticed this time that she was dressed a lot more androgynous than I remembered. The topic moved to wedding dresses and bridesmaid’s dresses and I could see she was immediately uncomfortable.
Her parents (her mum really) and grandma were making comments about how she’d need to be more feminine/ brush her hair etc, and how nice it would be to see her like that. I’ll be honest and say this hit a nerve with me, as I was very much a tomboy as a teenager (even though I’m not anymore) and it absolutely broke me whenever my relatives would say things like that. Eventually, her mother made a comment along the lines of, “It’ll be nice to see you dressed like a girl for once.” and she looked really sad/ embarrassed/ upset.
In response, because that really hit a nerve, I immediately told her that my maid of honour would be wearing a trouser suit for the wedding and not a dress and that I’d given all the bridesmaids the option of wearing anything they want as long as it’s in the “wedding colour”, to make things easier. I pulled out my phone and started showing her photos of the ideas my friend had sent me (a jumpsuit, culottes, a trouser suit, a tailored tux etc) and let her know that she could pick anything at all she wanted – she could even wear jeans and trainers if that made her comfortable – and that it’s a wedding, not a fashion show.
My niece perked up a bit when I said that but her mum looked really pissed off. She’s since asked my fiancé to pressure me into getting all the bridesmaids dresses so their daughter will have to wear one (which, lol, no). My husband doesn’t give a sh%t what she wears, but obviously also doesn’t want his family and me to be arguing on the wedding day. I don’t want to back down because I know what it feels like to be pressured into wearing something that makes you uncomfortable, but on the other hand, I know it’s only for a day and it’d make the family happy. AM I A JERK for trying to overrule her parents? Any advice.
Here are a few comments on the story where it was originally posted: