“Confused About How To Talk About My Special Need Brother’s Future To Parents.” Need Advice.

(This story was sent to us by Nancy).

Source: Reddit

I (21F) have pretty much been told since I was a young child that i’d be in charge of caring for my younger brother when I’m older. My parents have always been very against putting him in a home. He has some social skills, he’s currently in a school-to-work program at this high school, but he can’t live independently. My mom’s dream is that I’ll live in a big enough house to have a fully furnished basement where he can live, so he’ll have some independence but I’ll still be there. The main problem with this is she wants me to move back to my hometown, and I’m about to graduate with my teaching degree. I won’t have enough money to afford a house like that on my own.

Also, I really don’t wanna go back to my hometown. I have my dream city picked out, I wanna travel and raise my own kids, she just wants me to take my brother along for all of this. I’m am lgbt person and a jewish convert, I don’t want to live my life out in a town with no gays or jews, Growing up, I was expected to sacrifice what ever I needed to in order to make my brother happy. There was one time where he wanted to wear my shirt because it was purple, I didn’t wanna trade shirts because his was too small and didn’t cover me properly. I was in that awkward puberty phase of wearing training bras and was worried people would see it if I put on (his) white shirt. My mom made us switch shirt, and I cried the rest of the time we were out because my stomach and training bra were both visible. That’s just the tip of the iceberg.

He just turned 18, and my parents want to start making formal arrangements. They’re in the process of getting a conservatorship, and they’ve mentioned several times that I’ll have to drive home from college to sign the legal documents.

I genuinely believe doing that is just signing away the rights to have the life I want. I don’t want to take care of my brother. I spent my teen years resenting him, I just want to have a life that isn’t dependent on what he can and can’t do; I did that for 18 years and it was hell.

I don’t know how to tell my family. My parents have supported me financially while I’ve gone through college. I can’t afford for them to take their money back right now. Every time I think about the situation, the only solution I can come up with is to just sign the papers now, live as much as I can, and kill myself once my parents die. They would kill me now if I suggested putting him in a home. I feel stuck and I have absolutely no idea what to do.

What advice would you give her?

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