Family difficulties are never easy. An issue can occur at any time when the fates and objectives of at least two individuals are entangled. Read the story to know what happened between this couple and what you would have done in such a situation.
Source: Reddit
First some important info: I(30F) have been married to my husband(34M) for 8 years now. We live in a culture where you never combine your finances after marriage (some do, but they are the exception to the rule). Also in the event of a divorce, there is nothing like common property or anything like that. You keep what you bought and anything that has your name on it.
We met while we were studying, graduated the same year, have the same (primary) income (I do some freelance work). We are so in tune in everything except how to spend money, and he likes to travel while I am a homebody.
Since the first day of marriage, I proposed that we share the expenses (rent, utilities, groceries, cleaning lady…) equally (even though culturally the man is responsible for all of them) then we should have a savings account to save for a house. He didn’t want to save for a house, he said that his money is better spent on experiences, and anyway there is nothing wrong with renting until we are in our 50s, then we can buy a house.
In the end we agreed to have a shared account for expenses, then whatever is left is ours to do with what we want.
He tends to take at least 2 weekend trips with his friends, staying in expensive hotels, going to concerts… Also even though I cook almost every meal at home, most times he would just order out for lunch or dinner.
I also go on weekend trips with my friends, but there are more day trips to the beach, hiking in the mountains, scuba diving… Each trip costs less than a tenth of what his trips do.
Well I have been saving for all of these 8 years, and now I am about to close on a small apartment, and pay it in full (no interest or monthly payments). The plan is to live there, save what I am used to saving plus what I used to spend on rent, buy a bigger house and rent this apartment for extra income.
And now he wants me to add his name to the deed. I flat out told him no, he didn’t want to save, he didn’t put a cent towards the house, so his name does not go on the deed. I also told him that I plan to buy a bigger house, and now that he doesn’t have to pay rent, he can save and put his share towards the next house, then he can have his name on the deed of the house.
Well he called me an AH, said that this is not what it meant to be married, and took some days off to go on a trip to “cool off”.
I don’t think I am an AH, but I also tend to be stubborn when it comes to what I perceive as financial irresponsibility. So Am I A Jerk ?
Here are a few comments on the story where it was originally posted:
