(This story was sent to us by Lillian).
Source: Reddit
My f33 mother in law fell extremely sick and has been bedridden for 3 months now. Her husband is deceased and her daughter and 2 sons (who didn’t even bother to visit) live towns away, so my husband is left to fully take over her care. He wanted to bring her to live with us but I said no and had my reasons for that, one of them is that our home isn’t fit for disabled patients and I already explained this to him but he chose to pick an argument and say I don’t want him to help his mom but that is not true.
I suggested he pays for a carer and said no when he asked that I contribute money with him and the reason is that his mom has assets he could sell to pay for a carer. I suggested home care but he got very offended and said I was nuts to suggest such a thing. After shutting down all my suggestions, I made it clear I will not be taking any part in his mom’s care or be dragged unwillingly in her care. He said okay then moved in with her now and I bring him meals occasionally just doing what I can.
The other day, I was in the kitchen reheating his dinner when I heard him shouting for me to come help lift his mom off the floor after she fell off the bed. I went to see what’s going on but refused to get involved. He asked what the f I was doing standing by the door and staring. I reminded him that I will not be helping out after he shut down other means of help and he started lashing out at me saying he had no time for my pettiness and insisted I help him to lift his mom but I just turned and walked out leaving him yelling for my help.
I stayed in the kitchen for a few minutes then he barged in calling me “cruel” and “unhinged” for seeing him and his struggle and refusing to help just to prove a point. I told him he shouldn’t act surprised and he replied that he couldn’t help but feel surprised that I was this unhinged and petty. I said I’m not petty, I’m just setting boundaries and sticking to them and I did not volunteer to be a carer. I’m not qualified and neither is he but he argued that being sympathetic and helping his family doesn’t require any form of qualification. He lectured me about how appalling my behavior was, how I could’ve help just a little, then said that his mom will never forget me just standing there and refusing to help. The guilt trip got me overwhelmed so I grabbed my stuff and went home.
My mom knew and berated me for what I’ve done. She said I should be proud of my husband for being a stand up guy who helps his family instead of guilting him and making him feel like he’s making a mistake for choosing to support his family. He called me later and cried saying I hurt him with my behavior and he never expected me to act this way towards him and his loved ones.
I felt awful because I’m a sympathetic person and this wasn’t my intention, I was just trying to make him understand he doesn’t have to carry a weight he can not bear nor drag me along with it. I’m happy he’s willing to help his family but I don’t want to be used if he’s okay with being used. Am i wrong ?
What do you think about the wife’s behavior?
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