Source: Reddit
So I (32f) and my husband (35m) have been together for eight years, married for six. My husband has always talked about having kids. We decided we were ready last year.
After months of stress and no results, we went to a doctor and found out my husband is infertile. He’s always deeply wanted to be a father, so this was a big deal to him. We took a few months to process – and he grieved the loss, understandably so.
To my surprise, he suggested we go to a sperm bank. I was a little unsure if trying so soon would be a good idea, but he insisted that neither of us are getting younger – and he was completely okay with things. He’s always been pretty blunt with his feelings, good or bad, so I thought it was alright. At first, it was.
Then we started looking through the book at the descriptions of the donors, and all of a sudden my husband’s attitude changed. He demanded to see some samples of sperm from shorter men, because “it’s a man thing” and he apparently wouldn’t be able to love “someone else’s son” that’s taller than him, living in “his” house. I stopped the appointment, and we got into a terrible fight on the way home.
He apologized saying he was just emotional realizing it wouldn’t really be his son. That the book made it seem real. We agreed to tentatively start the process again – but throughout the week he made comments about how “I might as well just cheat on him” and snide remarks about how my boss would be happy to “put a baby in me” if I asked. He even got jealous of my BROTHER IN LAW, and made a very rude comment to him and my sister about how we could swap for a night and “all get what we wanted ”. I shut the entire thing down after that, saying I didn’t want to have kids with him when he was acting like this, maybe never after that.
With obligations to visit his family for a birthday dinner, we did. It was an alright, if slightly cold evening, until his mother asked me to get him and a few others back inside. I wasn’t surprised to find them complaining about me, but the subject matter shocked me. He’d told them our recent marital problems were because I was infertile, due to my “old age”. I listened as he told his brother, on and on about how he “just wasn’t sure if I was worth the effort” and “maybe he should try to find someone younger while he still could.” They joked about the women he could be sleeping with. It was crass, insulting and deeply embarrassing. It also wasn’t true. I was livid.
I went back inside and grabbed the car keys, and when asked why I was crying, I told everyone in the room, all adults, the truth. I left him there and ignored his calls. When he finally came home, we had the biggest argument of our lives about how I shared such a big insecurity and shamed him to his family. That his mother cried. I’m currently staying with my sister, and I think our marriage may be irreparable.
He says I humiliated him, and I know that I did. But he was perfectly fine lying to humiliate me and claiming he wanted to leave me. What are your opinions? Did I over react?
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