It’s no mystery that small things may cause major problems in our extended families. Specifically if it concerns children and decisions made against their parents. Read the story to know what clash happened between the kid’s mother and mother-in-law and let us know how you would handle the situation.
My husband’s family and I have had some cultural differences in the past. I try to stay out of them as best as I can, until they involve my kids (I have a son who is 4 and a daughter who is 3 months old). I’m good with them spoiling the kids and all that fun stuff, but I’ve put my foot down on the certain aspects of say “Women are to serve the men” (which my husband does not agree with and we do not do in our home, so he doesn’t want our kids being raised with this) and other things of this aspect.
A lot of these cultural aspects, I refer to my husband. If they’re important to him, we do them. And he’s never wanted to do anything that would be harmful to myself or our kids. Most of his culture is amazing, and our children are being raised in it. I’m not against it at all. There are just certain aspects of it that both my husband and I don’t agree with, since they are dated.
One tiny thing that came about when I had a daughter was ear piercing. It’s a big deal in my husband’s culture that the baby girls get their ears pierced pretty much at birth. I wasn’t comfortable with it. I know they won’t remember it and it wasn’t so much the pain aspect, but more so I wanted her to be able to decide. Yes, the holes close up, but I’d rather her get to decide when or if she pierces them, when she’s older. I told my mother-in-law this, every time she pestered me (pretty much from the time I was post-labor and she came to visit me in the hospital). My husband agreed with me. Now, my mother-in-law has watched our kids a handful of times since she was born and daughter never came back with earrings, so I assumed we were safe and that maybe she was respecting our parenting.
Then last weekend, we went out to run a few errands kid free. Mother-in-law kept them out a bit later and when she returned….my daughter had pierced ears. She said she had my sister-in-law (husband’s sister) do them. She’s done them for all the babies in the family and it was tradition. I was pissed. I felt so violated, took my kids and told her to leave. My husband was equally as pissed and they argued outside, in their native language, for quite a bit, before mother-in-law left.
I’ve since decided I don’t want my mother-in-law to be alone with the kids. I’m not banning her from them, period, but she’s not going to be able to babysit anymore. My husband is on the fence, but says he’ll back me up either way. As soon as it’s safe to, I’m removing the earrings. My husband’s family is saying I’m being so disrespectful and I’ve said that I just don’t trust her, since she’s continuously disrespecting my parenting. I need some advice on if I’m wrong? What should i Do?
Here are a few comments on the story where it was originally posted: