The mother in this story has two children, Andrew (16M) and Nicole (21F), who was once a bright student but suddenly dropped out of college due to stress and depression. Recently, Nicole has revealed that she is a lesbian and has been dating a girl for a few months. She also plans to move away to be with her girlfriend, but her mother is against it and thinks it’s too soon for her to make such a big decision.
Source: Reddit
A friend at work pointed me to this to get some more advice/points of view on my situation.
I (46F) am the mother to two wonderful children, Andrew (16M) and Nicole (21F). Nicole was very bright as a child and excelled in her classes, and she headed into college with a plan to get a Master’s at least. I never had to worry about her doing well or hitting milestones, but the last few years have been very surprising. She became a bit withdrawn in her teen years, more so than I realized until now, and after her first year of college she suddenly moved out from a relative’s home and got her own apartment. Then, after her second year of college (last May) she told me and her father (58M) that she was dropping out and might return in a year, but wasn’t sure, and that she was incredibly stressed and depressed and had been for years. It felt like it was coming out of nowhere.
Last fall she got a full time job and started talking about how she was happy and finally in a good routine and that she loved working. I was glad things were at least going well for her now, but still hoping she’d return to college soon. One of the biggest recent bombshells she dropped on me though was a month ago when I drove to visit her. We went out for lunch, and we started talking about this friend (25F) of hers. Eventually, my daughter admitted to me that she was a lesbian, and that she and this girl had been dating since January and that she FLEW TO MEET HER WITHOUT TELLING ME OR HER FATHER! Mind you, she flew over 1,000 miles to see this girl that she had NEVER MET and had only called and video chatted with for a few months. I was shocked and angry, but all I did was gently scold her for not telling me, but that I’m glad she’s okay and that she had a good time with her girlfriend. I’m very new to this whole thing with my daughter, as I thought she was interested in men, but I’m willing to support her because I love her.
The problem now is that she told me earlier this week that she intends to move within the next year and a half. She says it may be sooner rather than later because things are changing with her girlfriend’s living situation and she wanted to give me a heads up. I told her absolutely not, that she can’t move in with someone she’s only been dating for a couple of months, especially not when she’s moving several states away. All of her family is HERE, including me and her father and her brother, and her three living grandparents. I told her she’s too young and she can’t move that far away from us just for a girl. She told me that regardless of her girlfriend, she’s been wanting to move far away for years and that her girlfriend’s state was on a list of potential places. She said she loved being there when she visited and can’t wait to go back. She says I’m being unreasonable by asking her to stay and that she hates it here and feels like she “can’t be herself”.
Am I being an A hole here? I don’t think she’s old enough or mature enough to leave.
Here are a few comments on the story where it was originally posted:
