Some backstory: I have 3 kids (14f, 16f, 25f). They used to get along great, then 14f got a cat for her birthday and 16f hated him (I think she’s scared of him but she refuses to admit it) so she used it as an excuse to not have much of a relationship with her sister. She’s also been more distant with the rest of the family in an attempt to distance herself from her sister and her cat. My husband also dislikes the cat but he doesn’t let it affect his relationship with his family.
My husband and I were at our friend’s birthday party last week. We were supposed to be out late and 14 and 16 were home alone.
16 was taking the family dog out and 14’s cat was trying to play and was swiping at her feet. 16 called 14 to get her “sh%thead cat” away from her and told her what the cat was doing. Apparently 14 took her time to get there, then laughed, called the cat a good boy, and gave him a treat (14 denied it but it sounds like something she’d do).
This sparked an argument between the two and 16 kept cursing the cat out. She knows this hurts 14 and 14 retaliated by cursing her out. 16 responded by telling 14 that she doesn’t love her and hasn’t for a long time, she hates her, she’s so excited for the day she gets to move out and never speak to her or see her again. This deeply hurt 14 because family is extremely important to her and 25 lives nearby but never asks her to hang out and only speaks to her a couple times a year, which is already very hard on her.
Then to rub salt on the wound, she grabbed a treat, called the cat’s name, and threw the treat outside. The cat chased it and 14 spent over an hour looking for her cat.
16 called my husband and told him about their argument and 14 called me and told me what 16 did with the treat so we had to leave early.
When I got home I grounded 16 because she escalated the argument by cursing the cat out, then hurt her sister by going on that spiel about how she hates her and she’s going to be alone, then for throwing the treat but my husband ungrounded her and said that 14 should be punished for laughing and giving the cat a treat when he was trying to scratch 16.
14 asked if anything was going to happen to 16 for what she said and did and 16 yelled that she meant everything. I told 16 that she ruined my weekend and not to speak to me.
My husband took her side and has been sleeping on the couch since and 16 hasn’t spoken to me or 14 since the argument.
Last night I found my husband helping 16 pack and getting her important documents out of the safe. When I asked what he was doing, he said 16 was going to stay with 25.
I told him 16 wasn’t going anywhere but he ignored me and went back to packing. 16 is gone now and my husband is still on the couch. Am I A Jerk for telling my daughter not to speak to me? What should I do?
Here are a few comments on the story where it was originally posted: