Source: Reddit
She snooped through my phone and went through messages with my first love/boyfriend. He was the only person I had told. I tried to lie…then minimize…then slowly I told her. She cried and I felt shame cover my body.
I was 7 when he started. My mom walked in at one point when he had laid a small pillow on the ground and got on top of me. I was a little girl. He was a young preteen/teen. She made a rule…no closed doors. But she stopped enforcing it after a few weeks and the abuse continued.
When she found out, she told my dad (my brothers bio dad too) He pretended nothing happened.
A few years later I lived with my dad. He told me my half brother “Timmy” was coming to live with us. That he was homeless and he had to be a good dad to him too. My bedroom opened to the living room Timmy slept in. I knew I was safe. I was older and he wasn’t so big as when I was a little girl but the fear never left and nights were brutal. I slept from 5am to 12pm. I had a distant memory of my dad kicking out Timmy when we were younger because he snuck my dad’s laptop to watch porn. He kicked Timmy out for touching his things for sexual purposes but he welcomed him home after knowing Timmy touched his daughter for sexual purposes. Timmy didn’t show up to the job my dad got him. He had driven his car into a tree on a heroine overdose. He ran away and never came back to my dads house.
A year later I was at my dads for Thanksgiving. He told me 5 minutes before dinner started that Timmy was almost there. I was shocked. I didn’t have time to gather myself and I awkwardly stood by the food table as others talked to Timmy. My dad came over and gritted his teeth. He seethed that I was being rude and needed to go talk to Timmy. I did as I was told, like always, and walked over and put on a face to talk about the weather and his new job.
I texted my dad the next morning. I said I was hurt by his actions and I was uncomfortable. I said I didn’t want to be around Timmy because of the sexual abuse. My dad never spoke to me again. That was 5 years ago.
Some days I wish they had never found out. How could I face the reality of how they’ve failed me or turned a blind eye. My mom tells me often how I had a good childhood. When I tell her it wasn’t good she yells or cries or shames me.
After years of dating older men or men that abused me as well as suffering from depression, anxiety, and PTSD I went to therapy. I now train people in Child Sexual Abuse Prevention. I advocate for children. I have a well paying job and a healthy relationship. I have tons of hobbies and friends. Im a leader. I have boundaries! I didn’t just survive CSA, I am thriving in spite of it and I know without a shadow of a doubt that nobody would know unless I told them, not because I wear a mask but because I am genuinely happy and well adjusted now.
