Even if they are the one who begins the uncomfortable talk, keeping it honest with a close friend can occasionally cause a gap in a connection. A lot of friendships are built on the idea that both sides agree on life decisions, and breaking that notion produces tremendous conflict. At the same time, a strong friendship cannot exist in the absence of honesty and the willingness to agree to disagree. So, addressing the issues where your points of view diverge may be a delicate mix of candor and diplomacy. A lady wondered if it was wrong to advise her friend that continuing to have kids in order to have a daughter was selfish. Read the story and what are your thoughts on this.
Source: Reddit
My friend Laura is a mom of four children, three boys and the youngest being a girl. Her and her husband continued having children after the first boy because they desperately wanted a little girl and we’re willing to have up to six children to do that. They consider themselves luck for only having to have four. (Ages 10-1yo)
So Laura is SAHM and I work nights, when I get off I’ll help her a few times a week. Going with them to the park, took the boys to a local renaissance fair so Laura would have time to herself with the baby, laser tag, etc. I enjoy doing these things and they’ve often said that they think of me as their Aunt, it means a lot to me because I don’t have children.
The oldest boy is starting middle school at a slightly younger age and came to me for advice, I’m proud of everything he said but asked why he didn’t have this talk with his mother and he said that she was more preoccupied with the baby girl.
Later in the day Laura and I are relaxing and I tell her the boys’ issues and advice I gave and she was irritated and asked why he didn’t have that moment with her, I reiterated what he said and told that it’s understandable that a baby need a bit more of her time. She was visibly hurt and asked me to be completely honest with what I thought about her having multiple children.
I was honest and told her I found it selfish, she had three perfectly healthy boys in hopes that one would be a girl, she could have adopted and instead her husband works two jobs fifty hour weeks to support them but I also know that it was his choice to do this as well. She was fuming, told me I would never understand unless I was a mother, and that she could never love a foster or adopted kid as much as her own, this made me cry because I’m a foster kid that aged out of the system and she’s aware of it. She called me an a%#@hole for that and told me to leave.
It’s been about a week and she’s called me multiple times and left voicemail apologizing saying that she really needs the help with the boys. I feel like an a^%$ole, I love them and I’m happy they were born and feel like sh%t if I implyed otherwise but I’m hurt that I wasn’t cared for as a child and that there are so many others that won’t have the chance because of that mindset.
Am I Overreacting? What are your opinions? Please don’t be afraid to criticize. Thank you for your time in advance.
