Source: Reddit
I grew up thinking my mother had abandoned us.
That is what he always told me. He told me my mother packed up and left us when I turned 2 years old.
I grew up to resent and hate her. Mainly because I saw how my father was working super long hours to make ends meet. I hated how my grandma basically had to raise me.
When I would ask her about my mother, my grandma painted a picture of a bitter, spiteful, hateful spoiled/ entitled woman. I felt very justified in my anger and hate for her. That’s what my family told me and I had absolutely no reason to doubt them.
A few weeks ago I found her on social media while at my boyfriend’s house. And I was so F***** mad.
She was out there living her best life. She is a cook (chef?) in a Michelin star restaurant. She travels, has a huge apartment, and apparently is married to a gorgeous man.
In a fit of rage, I DM’d her cruising her out for abandoning me to live her frivolous life and that karma would come to her.
She obviously saw it. Instead of going off on me she just asked me to meet her and that she felt like I had a right to express my anger to her in person and that she owed me as much.
I was starstruck because my father said she never stood for the consequences of her actions.
Without telling anyone I agreed. She invited me to this amazing restaurant. She paid an Uber for me and everything.
It was very awkward at the beginning. I kept berating her. I was so angry. I cried a little. She just sat there and took it all in. I then asked her…why she abandoned me.
She then asked (this is all paraphrased) “Do you really want to know the whole story? It is not nice and you will not like it. I am ready to be the bad guy in your head forever and keep my distance.”
I just kept pressing her. And then she told me the real story. This is again paraphrased and to my best recollection.
She told me that my father and she met shortly before ending Uni. At that time my mother had said she did not want to stay in uni town. A few months after dating my father told her, that his landlord was evicting him because the apartment was needed for immediate family use. She offered him to stay while he found something else.
Moths passed and he was not doing anything. Then she got a job offer in another country. She told my father, that he could take over her apartment or come with her. They had this huge fight where my mother told him that she was not ready for the type of commitment he wanted. She wanted different things in life than him and that as much as she loved him…that they weren’t compatible.
They stayed living together and then one day she found out she was pregnant. She told me honestly, that she was thinking of not having me. She did not feel ready to be a mom at 22. She did not feel maternal feelings. She said she was already struggling with depression and late-diagnosed ADHD.
My father convinced her to have me. He said he would take me because he had a right to me. That he would go after her because that baby was also his. So she had me.
She said that the time after birth was really bad. My father was dragging out the legal procedures, he refused to vacate the home. My mother said that while she felt love for me and that there were moments when she felt overjoyed, it was overshadowed by huge waves of suicidal ideation. She was scared that she was gonna hurt me. She also showed me some of the court documents of that time that backed up her claims.
In the end, she was so desperate that she agreed to stay with my father if he agreed to be the main caretaker. He did but only half-a**ed. My mother then told me that it got so bad, that she tried to commit suicide around my second birthday after a particularly nasty fight where my father admitted to having tampered with her birth control. She showed me the papers of the involuntary 72 hours commitment and the legal documents where she was found unfit to be a parent afterward
I felt nauseous after all that. I would have not believed her, hadn’t she brought so much “evidence” with her.
She then asked me what I meant in my message that we were struggling.
I told her that we were not exactly rich and that I was struggling to come up with the money to go to University in another city. She was bewildered and asked me what my father had been doing with the monthly payments she was making.
I told her that we don’t receive that money. Then she took out another stack of papers. …. Guys…. She is sending child support every month. It is almost 3k every month.
Edit: She is court-mandated to pay me 1.5k. She doubled the payments out of her own will. She doesn’t have to pay that amount. She wants to
She was very concerned about this and told me she would talk to her lawyers ASAP to transfer the money to me directly.
In the end, she apologized to me. She is very sorry to have put me through this. She was very sorry for not being stronger and she was very sorry for letting me grow up the way I did. She was crying… I was crying.
She then told me to take my time. She would contact me again regarding the payments and that it was up to me if I wanted to see her again. That she couldn’t be the mother I wanted but the least she could do is help me with anything that I need.
I hugged her. I cried. She cried. I boxed up my food and she got me another uber home.
At home, my father was not there. So I went straight to bed. How do I Confront my father? My whole life has been a lie.
What should I do?
