Most civilizations, but notably American culture, have praised hard effort. The notion that you can achieve whatever you’ve ever desired if you work extremely hard is, after all, the foundation of the American dream. So how you made that money should solely be your business, right? No matter how wealthy a person is, this anecdote demonstrates how there is still a lot of shame associated with certain vocations like exotic dancing. Read the story to know what drama took place when her boyfriend made attempts to get her to sell her home on the grounds that it was acquired “with stripper money.”
For several years I was a stripper. I have no shame about what I did, and only quit when I got a better job offer. In the time I worked as a stripper, I intentionally lived as cheaply as possible (sh%tty little studio flat, living off ramen, wearing old clothes) because my coworkers all told me that they were able to buy their own places on their income, so long as they saved like crazy. Before I “retired”, I managed to outright buy myself a 3 bedroom flat. I rented out the other rooms for a while but I got sick of having roommates, so now I have them up online for shorter stays, but not to rent.
I met this guy about 18 months ago, and we’ve been together since. He knows about my employment history, and he said that he has no issue with it, though he did ask me to tell his family the white lie I occasionally use (on my CV and stuff), which is that I was a waitress (which I kind of was tbf).
A month ago we found out that I’m 2 months pregnant. He says this is great news, and we should move in together. I assumed he’d be moving into my place because he rents his (far smaller 1 bedroom) flat while I own mine, and I have room for a baby’s room while he doesn’t. Also, I really don’t want to leave my flat. It’s my flat, I love it, I could see myself living here for the rest of my life, and I don’t want to lose the security of owning a flat and have to go back to paying rent or a mortgage each month.
However, he then said that he didn’t want to move into my place, and said I should sell it and we buy a place together. I said that I like my place, it means a lot to me that I was able to buy it, and it represents years of working my arse off scrimping and saving. He then said that he understands all of that, but we should be living together by the time the baby comes and he didn’t want to live in my flat. I asked him why not – it’s a great flat, it’s central to everything, it’s spacious, it’s got room for all his stuff, there’s a daycare in the building (run/owned by another tenant) and a school 5 minute walk away, the list goes on – and he said that he didn’t want to live in a flat that was bought with “stripper money”.
That really pissed me off, and I told him no f***ing way am I selling my flat and that he never had an issue with my “stripper money” paying for this flat before now. I said I wasn’t giving up the security of owning a home for someone who tries to make me feel ashamed about something I don’t feel ashamed of. He said that his point is if I sold the flat then we could get a new place with the money from the sale. I said “wouldn’t that still be stripper money?” and he said “that’s different”, and I asked how. He then said he was going back to his place because “I can’t talk to you when you’re in this state”.
He’s gone back to his flat now and he’s texted me saying I’m overreacting/irrational and I need to think of this realistically rather than emotionally. He says he wouldn’t feel right raising a child in my flat knowing how I purchased it and selling/moving is the best idea of all of us, not to mention the fact he isn’t on the deed because it’s my place and it “would never feel like our place” because of this.
I feel I might be the arse because I get why he might feel like it’s just my place and I feel I’m being too rigid in a time we need to work together, plus I spoke to my sister and she sided with him so 2 out of 3 people think I’m in the wrong here. Am I Really A Jerk?
Here are a few comments on the story where it was originally posted: