Some facts should definitely never be acknowledged. For instance, telling your kid that you didn’t like being pregnant with them is probably not the best option. Whatever the case may be. That leads us to this story. Continue reading to find out what occurred.
My (52F) daughter (28F) is expecting her first child with her husband in June. I am very excited to be a grandmother. My daughter is very, very excited and can not wait to be a mother. She already has the nursery all picked out, started buying clothes, getting toiletries such as nappies and wipes organised, the works. We have a very close relationship, and she texts me about her first kicks, baby’s heart beat (she has this thing called a doppler?), potential names etc. I am thrilled she is so excited and happy, because in all honesty it was the very opposite of how I felt.
The truth is I hated being pregnant, with both my children. Pregnancy honestly scared me. I was anxious all the time, every movement and lack of made me scared, I hated the feeling of being so heavy and limited in movement, on top of all the normal pregnancy symptoms of fatigue, nausea, swollen ankles, hemorrhoids, sore back and feet etc. And then don’t get me started on the childbirth which was next level. Don’t get me wrong, I was very excited to become a mum and I love both my children, they are my absolute world. I just didn’t like the process of getting there.
One thing she bought was one of those baby memory books, and has already started by putting some photos of her bump and ultrasound photos in them. For fun, she dug out the baby books I had for both her and younger brother, and we looked through them for a trip down memory lane. For both books, I started at the newborn stage. The pages for “20 week bump” and “First ultrasound” etc are blank for both. My daughter asked why this was the case. She always thought maybe it was the lack of technology of the time (for you youngin’s out there, yes we did have cameras and ultrasounds in the 90s).
This is when I told her the truth: that I hated being pregnant, it made me scared and anxious, and I didn’t want any memories of it. Pregnancy and childbirth terrified me, even for her younger brother when I had a bit more of an idea. I also explained why I was so happy to see her so happy, because I didn’t want her to feel like I did.
She got very quiet and didn’t seem very engaged the rest of the time looking at the books. When she left to go home she seemed a bit distant. Later that night my son-in-law called me to say my daughter was very upset about what I said. Apparently I made her feel unwanted, like she was a burden to bear. I was shocked and upset to hear that myself, because that was the opposite of how I felt and told my SIL that. I explained I love my daughter (and her brother) very much and I wouldn’t trade them for the world. I just didn’t like being pregnant, but that doesn’t mean my child was not wanted. My SIL understood, but still said my daughter was upset.
Am I A Jerk for confessing my feelings? I feel very guilty and the last thing I wanted to do was stress my pregnant daughter out, a time when stress and feeling upset needs to be kept to a minimum. What should I do? Can I even do anything?
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