I have always been terrified of childbirth. (My husband knows this.) It gives me the creeps—but I have a strong-mind over matter brain and I always wanted children more than I was scared of doing it.
However…last week a good friend of mine from highschool died in childbirth. Her mother made the post and…honestly I don’t know what to say. It sounded horrific. I’ve tried looking at pictures of babies. I love babies. But I feel nothing. In fact—more negative feelings than positive.
We were planning on starting to try this month and I’ve just been avoiding him. This is so big. But I had always been travelling this fine line of fear and this finally knocked me over. I don’t know how to tell him. I don’t think I will want to do this ever. I know I was afraid before but it has never felt like this.
How do I tell him? We’ve been married for 6 years, like…blissfully happy and just decided to start a family. It’s going to hurt him so bad and I don’t know what to do.